Because You Are My Nirvana

Chapter I

A/N: Hey guys! My name is Vidushi and I bring to you my original fanfic.  This is the first story I've ever posted, BTW. I hate proof reading but I try to do it anyways. So if there are any mistakes like grammar or spellings or anything like that, cut me some slack. Plus I barely have time for proof reading. Please leave comments below if you want to! 

Draco was in the library. He liked to do this a lot. After all the craziness of the day and all the pretending, it was nice to finally do something he understood completely and felt like himself. He had snuck into the library with his books, and was studying in his favourite spot- sitting on the floor in the corner created by two joining shelves. Something about the smell of books and the feel of being surrounded by them helped him concentrate. Suddenly he heard a shuffling sound. He non-verbally cast the Muffliato charm so that the person or thing there could not hear him and then started toward the sound. He saw a human shape but couldn't make out the details. On moving closer, he could make out the shape of a girl. His heart started beating so hard he felt it would burst out of his chest. Could it be? No, no. It would be stupid be hopeful. But... who else he knew would sneak into the library after hours? "Lumos!" he casted the charm, trying to mask his nervousness. He'd been right. It was Granger.

Hermione gasped. She was shocked by the sudden burst of light around her. For a second she thought that she'd been caught, but as her eyes adjusted to the brightness she realised it was Draco, but not. He didn't have his usual scowl on and was looking caught off guard for a change. And he was in worn-out pyjamas which made him look really cute. She'd snuck down here to study as she liked to do when she'd had a bad, tiresome or stressful day. And this was definitely one. Because she'd broken up with Ron and it certainly didn't make talking to Ginny any less awkward for her even though the ginger didn't mind at all. Being with Ron just kept feeling more and more...wrong. She'd never expected anyone to be here. She'd never even wanted anyone to be here let alone him.

Draco took in the sight of her as he always did, not knowing when he might see her again. She looked beautiful, as usual. Most people thought she was hideous but for him, she was the only thing worth looking at. She looked even better after she'd gotten her front teeth fixed in their 4th year. Her mouth seemed to fit her face better now. She was wearing light blue pyjamas and her hair was a tangled mess which made her look all the more pretty. The colour of her pyjamas brought out her eyes and suited her complexion and hair. Merlin's beard, he loved her so much. Wait. Pajamas. He realised he was wearing his pyjamas too. And that too his most old, worn out pair that he'd hidden from his parents and kept since it was comfortable. He whisked away all those thoughts and asked, "What are you doing here?" "Stupid." He thought to himself. Judging from the books, parchment and quills in her hand, she was obviously doing exactly what he'd been doing. "What do you care, Malfoy?" She replied, putting up the walls again, hiding the hint of some other person he'd gotten a glimpse of. "You don't have to pretend. It's just both of us here. I saw a glimpse of someone else just a moment ago. A person you don't and can't show the world. I know because I have to do the same every day." He said, the gentleness in his voice surprising even him.

Hermione couldn't believe that this was real. Draco's gentleness surprised her beyond words. She'd known for a long time that Draco pretended and was a completely different person inside that he couldn't show the world because she had to do the same. But this wasn't the person she'd thought he might be. She loved him so much, but had to pretend to hate him, and his house just to seal the deal. But she never expected him to open up to anyone. Especially not to her. He barely knew her and she barely knew him. And that's why she wasn't ready to share this with him, no matter how much she loved him and hated the others for being so judgmental. "No. You're wrong. I have to."

"Why?" he asked, his voice desperate. "Why do you have to pretend? Why can't you be real with me for once? I want to know the real you. I'm trying too. It's hard, but I'm trying. Please." He just couldn't do it anymore. He took her wrist and pulled her closer to him. They were almost nose to nose, and he could feel her breath against his mouth. She was quite shorter than him. "I have to Draco, you don't understand and I doubt you ever will." Her voice was soft and slightly cracked as if she wanted to cry. Draco counted this as a success. He was starting break the walls she'd created, and it was normal to get emotional when that happened. Then she pulled away, and turned around to gather her things, which made his heart feel like a deflated balloon.

As Hermione was putting the last of her things in her bag, she felt a hand on her shoulder, but it was calm and soft and didn't feel like it meant to harm her in any way. "Please, Hermione. Try to explain me. It'll do my best to understand. Merlin's beard, I'd do anything for you." She'd had enough now. She couldn't control herself. With his mixed signals and her own feelings; she'd had enough. She turned around and shouted in a whisper at him, "You want to know why I can't show the real me to you? Well I can't because she wants something she can never have. Worse, she's forbidden to have it! She wants it badly and she'd not even sure she will get it but she's still trying! She's afraid of her strong emotions and she wants to run away, but at the same time she wants to chase what she wants but she can't even try the latter because of the judging of the society and her own best friends!" She let it all out. Soon she realizes that her cheeks were wet and she'd been crying when she said that. He had also backed away, probably startled by her sudden change of composure. "Okay. I get part of it, but it would be better if you told me what the "thing" is and please, please, stop crying I hate seeing you like this." She couldn't believe what a twit he was being. For the student who stood second in his batch of students at Hogwarts for six years in a row, you'd think he'd be smarter. She let out a deep sigh, cleared her mind and said, "You are the "thing", Draco. I love you."

He couldn't believe his ears. He felt like he would need a time turner to go back in time and make sure what he heard was right. He was sure he was blushing redder than the apple Pansy had been eating earlier that day and was goggling at her while she tried to hide her doubt and fear. Then he somehow managed to say, "I love you too." He first moved hesitantly towards her, but when he saw her drop her bag and move toward him he was surer of himself. He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on hers. "I love you." He whispered. "I love you so much." "I love you too," she whispered back, "but I would love you more if you would say that to me as often as you can." "Anything for you." She looked up at him and he just had to do it. He cupped the side of her face with one hand and pulled her into a kiss. Her lips were soft upon his and she kissed him back as if it was what was keeping her alive. As if it was something that had been overdue. He loved it. He deepened the kiss and pulled her closer to himself. "You are so mean." She said playfully against the kiss. "Why is that?" he asked. "Because now I'll want this all the time, but we have to hide from everyone else." He broke away, looked into her eyes and said, "We'll find a way that works." He kissed her forehead and tightened the hug. She had her hands in his hair and he was stroking hers.

For a long time both were talking and making out in the library, and both were dreaming and daydreaming about each other when they parted ways. The feel of the other against them and the feel of their lips upon theirs. They were meant to be, and nothing could stop a love as strong as theirs.