like narcotics

eight

8 | and there was love

1:50 pm
october 31, 2019

it's halloween and i'm dressed as a goddamn unicorn. unicorns are real if you ask me.

"My little unicorn 😂🥰"

Lya commented on my instagram picture of my unicorn onesie. she's so sweet to me.

"Friend?"

it's Brooke. Brooke'Lyn to be exact but i call her Brookie.

she's 5'2 with a attitude. i'm kidding, she's the sweetest but she asks like everyone's mom in a way. keeps us focused, gives us advice, make sure we're not losing our minds.. oh but don't fuck with her.

"Yes, friend?"

It's daily talk time and I wonder what we have to talk about today..

my mind is cloudy and stormy and i truly have no clue why. there's confusion and there's sorrow. i'm happy i'm truly happy but it feels so brand new. i haven't been happy in so fucking long.

then suddenly Rae's image flashes through my mind..

and i realize you can give a mf a part of yo fucking soul and when they feel like it they'll up and give that shit back to you like it's spoiled food ..

they'll play with yo emotions and go on with they life like you wasnt there when they was down bad..

like you ain't take them back everytime they cheated.

you ain't wash they clothes and hair when they was too depressed to do it.

you didn't feed them before you ate.

you didn't judge them based on the things they'd done in the past.. no cause you loved them and admired everything i mean EVERYTHING about them..

every mole and the complexion of their skin.

you could read every emotion along with the voices and facial expressions they would make.

you knew their natural smell and their favorite cologne..

the bond and the memories and you're thinking 'there's nothing in this world more beautiful than our love' - to be wrong.

they wake up one more and forget to love you back.. and you're begging them to stay while they close the door in your face ..

they leave and in within a couple days they're glowing. they're flourishing and happy ..

posting on all social medias and walking through the hallways of school looking amazing and smelling even better..

you hear their voice and it sounds like angels to you..

then hell as you remember the way it sounded when they verbally, physically and mentally abused you ..

the truth starts to come out like water after ice melts and you finally know they're true colors ..

you can't help but to miss the o l d them ..

when they would tell you you're eyes were like spilled coffee ..

when they told you they'd never been loved and cared for like you do for them..

when they planned out they're future with you ..
now you're forced to move on taking things a day at a time . . . .

as soon as i'm thinking Rae walks past the classroom door..

why didn't you come get me one last time
you could've let me
love anyone but i only wanted you
why did you make me cry
i walk past you you walk past me
never making eye contact
like i wasn't just staring into yours
just a month ago
a course of 17 months
or maybe more
and just when i finally let you completely go
you want to hold me more
than anything in this world
you treated me as if
as if i never mattered
i wasn't special
i wasn't the girl of your dreams
what about the way you felt when you were next to me
i still remember what you told me
that i was just a homie a fun girl
and you put your hands on me
i'd never be your favorite girl
i'd give you my whole heart
expecting yours back
i'd take anything
cause i would've rathered the pain
then you being away
maybe that makes me undesirable
unattractive
unwanted
unloved
and hurting because
you disappearing from my mind
and the love in my heart turned into hate
then into despair
now it's numb
my heart is in heavy construction
but despite the heart ache
my soul will forever search for a love like yours
not the one you gave me
but what i give in return

and it was over with just that fast. those seconds flew by so fast. and i'm numb again. i'm done wondering why Rae did what she did..