The Heart Wants What It Wants - MakoHaru Hospital AU

Chapter 5: Trach Patient

Haruka Nanase

"I need to talk to Haruka for a second."

I turn around and stare at Kumiko. She looks terrified, like she did when she explained to me what exactly happened in the swimming pool.

I nod. It's clear that something's not right... but what?

Makoto slowly shambles to his bed and he frightened glances at me before Kumiko closes the curtains in between our beds.

Kumiko takes a seat on the chair, which has been standing next to my bed the entire time. Her hands shake as she squeezes the file in between her fingers.

"So, Haruka," she begins. "I've got some, not so great, news."

I look down at my lap and make myself ready to hear everything I don't want to hear.

"To begin, we can't seem to make contact with your parents. This is why I have to talk all of this over with you instead of with your parents, like I would normally do."

I nod, that is no surprise. My father never picks up his phone, and I doubt my mother even has one to start with.

I look at Kumiko. It's clear that she's not used to talking medical details over with a child, I get that.

Her mouth opens, closes again and she clears her throat while she stares at the file. "So, ehm, we're afraid that the ventilator is causing your lungs to feel even more tight. I noticed you coughing a lot, which is because of the ventilator." She takes a pause and looks up at me. Her brown eyes look sad, I wonder how many times Makoto's seen her like this. "We don't want the ventilator causing you to get a collapsed lung or Pneumonia. That's why we, unfortunately, have to insert a Tracheotomy tube."

I stare at her. I have no idea what she's talking about, because I've never heard of anything like a Tracheotomy. "W-what's that?"

"A Tracheotomy tube is a tube inserted into your windpipe through a cut it your neck."

I feel my chest contracting and I suddenly feel really anxious. Kumiko's basically telling me they're going to cut open my neck and shove in a tube, that doesn't sound like a normal thing to do.

"It's going to help you breathe more easily, but like most medical procedures it comes with some disadvantages," she explains. "Firstly, we'll have to perform surgery and you'll have to go under anesthetics."

I knew this was coming. I've known from the moment that I got here that I'd have to go in for a surgery. I feel all the color depart from my face.

"Then there's some complications that could occur, but I won't go in detail about, I don't want to scare you." Kumiko looks at me and she lays her hand on my shoulder. "But there's one thing I need to tell you before we'll do this."

I close my eyes. I don't want to hear this, if I need to do all of this anyway I don't want to know all the creepy and bad things before going into surgery.

"After inserting the Tracheotomy tube, it'll take some time for you to talk again," she tells me and I hear that her voice is shaking. "And it'll probably get harder to talk too, since the air you're breathing won't be going through your voice box anymore."

I breathe in... and out... and I feel how tight my chest feels. I don't want to not be able to talk for the rest of my life.

"But will I be able to talk again?" I want to have the insurance that I will, life is hard enough as it is.

Kumiko nods. "I'll make sure to get you a speaking valve to make it all easier."

I nod and thank her.

"Of course, after all, I have to ask for your permission for us to perform the surgery," Kumiko says. "It's an important surgery, but if you really can't make yourself to agreeing, we have no rights to perform it."

I shake my head. "You may perform it if you must." Even though how badly I want to say no to this, I have to say yes. If I don't I might die from some other lung condition and that's the last thing I want.

Kumiko lets out a relieved sigh. "Okay," she whispers. "We'll do it in the morning. It's better if you try to get some rest for now, okay?"

I nod, but I don't think I'll be getting much sleep tonight.

Kumiko nods as well, she steps backwards and moves away the curtain. Makoto appears and I see that he's staring at me. His eyes are filled with fear. He clearly overheard the conversation.

When his eyes meet mine, Makoto smiles forced and turn away.