The Heart Wants What It Wants - MakoHaru Hospital AU

Chapter 15: Heart Surgery

Makoto Tachibana

It's been three days now. Three days have passed without Haruka.

I've not been close to Haruka since I slipped out of my room. Kumiko found me with Haruka, but fortunately she wasn't mad at me. She just hugged me, and shushed me until I wasn't crying anymore.

"Was this how my parents felt?" I asked her when I got back to my room. Kumiko told me that when it was going bad with me my parents would sometimes cry of course, just like every good parent would.

I only now understand how much pain I must've caused my parents to have, and Ren and Ran. And four days ago I was ready to give up my own life.

Ever since that day, I've felt more pain. And I had to ask Kumiko for a bigger dose of painkillers in my formulas, because I couldn't bare the pain.

Now Kumiko sits on the chair next to my bed telling me the newest news about Haruka.

He's still not woken up and the doctors are afraid he might not wake up if they don't do anything.

"Are you sure you want to hear the newest news, because..." Kumiko pauses and sighs. "... It'll be a lot to hear all at once."

I nod. Kumiko can't keep me from hearing about Haruka's health. "I want to hear every detail, Kumiko."

I say this, even though I'm scared to death to hear the worst. Kumiko could say everything, I've heard nothing yet. She can tell me Haruka died, right here, right now. Or maybe the newest news is that the MRI-scans they've made showed brain damage.

I lightly shake my head, banning the thoughts from my head.

"Okay, then," Kumiko says. "Let's start with the best news; we finally got contact with Haruka's parents and they're arriving here soon, so that's nice."

I look down at my lap. I'm glad that they were able to get contact with them, maybe their voices will give Haruka the will of living and the strength he needs to wake up.

"But there's also less good news." Kumiko takes a deep breath. "It's going to be hard and there are a lot of complications that might show up afterwards, but Haruka's parents are in agreement. So, we're going to give Haruka a heart surgery to insert a LVAD to support and help his heart."

"LVAD? What is that?" I ask, not understanding. All I know is that every kind of heart surgery can come with complications, sometimes even leading to a person's death.

"It's basically a mechanical pump which helps the heart pump the blood," Kumiko explains to me. "Implanting the LVAD is really tough for both the surgeon and the patient, though..." She looks at me and her face saddens.

"What?" I ask, while I already know what she's going to say.

"Look, Makoto, it's a dangerous surgery," she says and she lets her hand rest on my right shoulder. "There's a change that Haruka might not survive it." I close my eyes and breathe slowly. I won't cry, not yet, he's still alive. "So, I wanted to ask if you would like to say goodbye to Haruka, just for if he doesn't make it."

I nod, of course I want that. I want to spend every moment possible with Haruka.

"Yes, I want that."

Even though I don't want to say "goodbye" to Haruka, and I'd rather not have him go through this surgery. I can't change anything; his parents have given them permission to perform the surgery, so there's no going back now.

Kumiko nods. "I'll get your wheelchair and you can go see him immediately," she says while she gets up and walks to the corner of the room, where my wheelchair stands, picking up dust.

"When are you going to perform the surgery?" I ask, trying not to show the pain this is causing me.

"In two hours," she replies, while pushing the wheelchair to my bed. "You'll have time to say goodbye, so do his parents who will arrive in about half an hour."

I nod and thank Kumiko for bringing me to Haruka.

When we arrive in Haruka's room, Kumiko wheels me to the side of Haruka's bed and right after leaves Haruka and me alone.

I look at Haruka's sleeping body and try to ignore the noise which is being made by the machines and heart monitor while I say, "It's me again, Haruka."

He can hear me, I know it, he can also feel it when I take his hand and rub my fingers over the back of it.

I take a deep breath and clear my throat. "So, I didn't expect this to go like this, really," I begin. "I thought it would be you saying goodbye to me, instead of the other way around. But here I am, talking to a sleeping person, hoping he can hear me."

I feel tears dripping down from my eyes, but I don't wipe them away.

"Yeah..." I breathe out. "So, just in case, goodbye, Haruka. You're an amazing friend to have." My voice breaks and I let out a loud sob. "I just wish you didn't have to go through this all, I know how you feel and I'm still wishing I can see those blue eyes of you looking at me one more time. So, please, Haruka, if you're able to... hold on just a little longer."

I squeeze his hand as I let out another sob. A pain in my chest contracting as I cry.

"But if you can't, this'll be goodbye."

I don't want to think of having to see Haruka's dead body, so I move away the thought. And for one moment I hope Haruka can't hear me when I whisper, "I love you."

I fold my hand in front of my mouth and sob.

What have I said?

I've known all this time Haruka can hear me and this is what I say to him, right before he might be facing death in a moment. He can't even reply, he cannot push me away or pull me towards him.

I'm so stupid. He must be so frustrated that he can't react to it, but he can hear me.

With that thought in my mind, I cry. Sobbing as I lean over Haruka's body, hugging him without moving any of the tubes and treats.

I close my eyes and hug Haruka until the door opens and Haruka's parents follow Kumiko into the room.

. . .

That night, I can't even close my eyes. I sit upright in bed, staring at the door, or the wall, or the ceiling.

I yawn as I start to feel a little tired. But I know I can't sleep.

I glance at the clock. It's already past midnight, they must've finished Haruka's surgery by now.

I don't know if I should get out of bed, search for someone who might know how Haruka's doing. Or if I should wait for someone to come and tell me.

There's not much time for me to think about that, because the door opens slowly. Kumiko appears in the doorway and whispers, "Are you still awake?"

I nod. "Yes." I barely dare to ask now that I have the change, but I have to. "How did the surgery go?"

Kumiko walks a little more into the room and smiles at me. "It went well," she says with a relieved sigh.

I want to get out of bed, run to Haruka immediately. It went well, which means that Haruka's alive at least.

Let out a cheerful sob as I start crying of happiness. "And how's Haruka?"

Kumiko nods. "He's sleeping now, but it might or might not surprise you, but he's been awake for a few minutes about an hour after the surgery."

He's been awake!?

I smile, and cry, and sob. I'm so happy, I don't even know what to think, or say.

Haruka woke up, even if it's just for a few minutes. He's clearly alive and awake. I don't think I've ever been this happy in my whole life.

"Thank you." Another sob, while I'd rather be doing a happy dance and cheering instead of crying my eyes out, because someone lives.

Haruka lives!