𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐎𝐟 𝐘𝐨𝐮 | 𝐒𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲

Chapter 01.

" All I do since I met you,
Is dream of you."

Caitlin was used to the feeling of loss by now, she had to be, it came with the job. Maybe it never used to, but lately, these past couple of years it had. She'd lost her father, she'd lost her husband - more than once, she'd practically lost her mother when her father passed, the woman being a stone cold robot and all. But the shock of pain that coursed through her body when she found out Barry might not come back was worse than any of her previous losses, to her it was unbearable.

Her mouth became dry, her face just slightly paler, she could feel the sudden lump that formed in her throat every time she fought her tears back. This time she knew she might not recover from her loss. Even though it killed her, Caitlin wasn't selfish, she'd never tell him not to go - she couldn't. Barry was a hero, and with the multiverse crumbling, it was his job to save it. But the thought of losing the one man that stood by her, the one who picked her up when she was down...the man who held her very own heart. It destroyed her.

"Cait?"

The familiar soft spoken voice had pulled her from her unpleasant thoughts. It was hard meeting his eyes, those warm emerald pools that she could get lost in all day staring back at her with question. She knew she looked like she was about to throw up. It was exactly how she felt actually.

"What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost." Barry had tried to laugh half heartedly, Caitlin could tell he was trying to make her smile. But this time she didn't have it in her to fake one.

"Um..." Caitlin wasn't exactly sure what to say, but she knew she couldn't lie. "Frost told me...she said that you might not be here next year."

The words came out brittle, as though she was about to cry. But she managed to keep herself together, only allowing one tear to slide down her cheek before she was quick to swipe it away.
Barry edged forwards, placing a hand on her forearm. He wasn't the best with words but he knew the touch would comfort her at least a little.

"She shouldn't have told you." Was all he muttered after a moment. He let out an exasperated sigh, running a hand through his hair. A habit he hadn't done in a while. "I didn't know how to tell you."

Six years Caitlin had held these feelings for him, every year, every moment they seemed to grow stronger. Dating other men had never stopped her feeling the way she did for Barry, she knew it was wrong, especially since he was with Iris but she couldn't help but love him. The clench that ached her heart at the thought of a life without him physically caused her pain.

"Barry..." Caitlin shook her head, stepping away from his touch. "I don't want to lose you..."

"I know Cait, but-"

"Just promise me that you'll try to keep yourself alive...that you won't die for some stupid reason," Caitlin knew it was unfair, she knew it was a promise he couldn't keep but she had to hear that he'd try. "Just...try to come back, please?"

Barry didn't allow her to step away this time as he enveloped his friend in a hug, feeling her shift so she could wrap her arms around him. Caitlin's eyes fluttered shut, savouring the feeling of him holding her, remembering the scent that lingered on him - just in case this was the last time.

"I'll try...for you."

***

The memory of that moment was what kept her awake at night, not that she had ever slept much anyway. But the hollow feeling in her chest, the longing for Barry's company again remained everyday that he was gone. It had been three weeks. One more and it'll be a month since he'd left to stop the Crisis.

The city seemed quieter now that she wasn't exactly focusing on all the crime going on, not that she didn't call Frost out to assist Cisco every now and then when he needed it. Barry had made her promise that she'd help keep things calm and well even though it wasn't her technically doing it. Caitlin had made sure she'd kept her promise. Just praying he was keeping his.

She groaned as she heard the ear-wrenching sound of her alarm, grabbing her phone from her bedside table to turn it off. 8:45am. Cisco was the reason for her being up this early, he said he'd needed her at Star Labs for whatever reason. It wasn't like she had much else to do anyway, she spent most of her time alone in some science lab downtown or in Jitters with a coffee in hand. Most of the time she'd get coffee with Ralph or Cisco but every so often Iris would walk into the coffee place, taking a seat beside her ranting on about how much she missed Barry, moaning about how long he was taking. But even Caitlin knew that saving more people than anyone could even fathom counting, would take it's time.

It wasn't that Caitlin disliked Iris, it was more like she envied her when it came to Barry. He loved Iris, she was the one that got to kiss him, hug him, be with him for so long living in bliss. The woman didn't even know how lucky she was. But Caitlin, she simply held onto a kiss that wasn't even shared between who she thought it was.

The bell rang above her as she entered Jitters indicating her arrival. She threw a small wave and a smile to Athena, one of the workers she'd become fond of whilst spending time here, before heading over to the queue at the counter.

"Caitlin!"

Caitlin all but winced at the sound of Iris's voice, throwing a fake smile on her face as she usually did when need be. Her brown eyes landing on the brunette that had appeared before her, Caitlin noted Iris was in a happy mood today - which she found was rare.

"Iris, it's good to see you." Caitlin politely greeted, today was a day where she wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone. Particularly Iris.

"I was just talking to my friend Cleo about you." Caitlin raised an eyebrow at that, not seeing why she was brought up in Iris's conversations but let it slide. "I was gonna ask if I can set you up on a blind date?"

If Caitlin had coffee in her mouth right now, she'd surely choke on it.

"Uh, thanks Iris really...but dating isn't my thing." Caitlin tried to let the woman down softly giving an awkward smile, not knowing what else to do. But the pout that shifted across her friend's face told her that she didn't like her answer.

"Come on, I mean it keeps you busy and it's not like you've had the best run at love, I've found the perfect gu-" Caitlin cut her short, placing a hand on Iris's arm so she paid attention to her answer this time.

"As sweet of you as that is, Iris, a relationship is the last thing on my mind."

With that Caitlin turned around, giving her attention to the cashier, thanking god that that conversation was over. The only man Caitlin wanted right now was the one stuck wherever saving everyone from infinite death.

That being if Barry was even still alive.