S.M

Chapter Eighteen

It hadn't been the smooth-sailing Will had prayed for in the morning. Gabriel had woken him early, reminding him about morning class. Will, blissfully dozing, had happily told him he wasn't going and wanted to cuddle instead. Gabriel replied that he had work. Will was disappointed when Gabriel got into the shower instead of back into bed. Awake, he stared at the ceiling as last night slowly came back to him. The failed date at the bar. The awkwardness in the bedroom. Will trying to leave when Gabriel said he didn't want to have sex.

Will covered his face.

Why?

Why had he even wanted to go?

When was he not thrilled to spend any second he could curled up next to Gabriel? Why had he assumed he had to leave, because they weren't having sex? Maybe because the usual routine was to pass out after sex, drunk him thought that since that wasn't happening, he wasn't supposed to stay the night? Will frowned. Even for him, that was a stretch. He was academically challenged, not outright dumb. Though last night challenged that line of thinking...

Will lay in bed, watching Gabriel move around the room getting ready. From the pensive expression on Gabriel's face, clearly last night wasn't water under the bridge. It was on his mind. Probably the same way it was on Will's. He sat up, drawing the sheets around himself. "I'm sorry,"

Gabriel was buttoning up his shirt at this point. He took the time to finish them before sitting next to Will. His dark eyes were steady when they finally settled on Will. "Did you say that just to upset me?"

Will hated the curling in his stomach. "No." He said honestly. "As soon as I thought it through I realised of course that was upsetting, but I didn't say it with that intention." Just the thought that Gabriel was having to consider if Will had purposefully tried to provoke him for saying no to sex hurt. He bit his lip. "Really, no. I wasn't thinking."

Gabriel seemed apprehensive. "Will... I'm not okay with what happened last night. I'm not okay with you going to sleep with Dune, whether it was to hurt me or not. And I know you don't mean sex, but even sleeping in the same bed." He rubbed his eyes. "It isn't that you're both gay, it's all of it. You used to be intimate with him, and he liked you a lot. If I was sleeping in the same bed of an ex I was still friends with, or even a friend I just made out with a few times, you wouldn't be happy with me. And you'd be right not to."

Will's heart beat fast. He wished this wasn't a conversation they had to have at all. He understood why Gabriel wasn't happy. But just the idea of taking a step back from Dune, one of the only people in his life that he was close to and cared about, clogged his throat. It must have shown, because Gabriel started talking again.

"I'm not saying don't be friends with him," Gabriel sighed, "But I don't think I'm being unreasonable asking for you not to sleep with him either."

"It isn't unreasonable," Will agreed. It was like dragging himself through wet cement to admit it. "I won't sleep with him. But," Will couldn't stop himself, he couldn't throw the tether away completely, "there is a couch at his house. That's fine, right?"

Gabriel's expression said, no. But he nodded, jerky. "I'd better get going before I'm late." He stood, "I'll see you Saturday?"

Another apology was stuck in Will's throat. He caught Gabriel's hand, feeling the rough scars covering his knuckles, and the hardened callouses inside his palm. Will felt too young all of sudden. Too young for a relationship. Too young to know how to compromise. Too young to respond to Gabriel from level ground. Gabriel knew what he was doing, he knew what he wanted, while Will had no idea.

Will felt like he was just doing his best to guess what it was that would make him happy, and he didn't actually know. Loose tethers were holding Will together—Dune, Cassie, Gabriel, volleyball... college classes were cut loose already, home had died when his mom left.