I Wish I Were (boyxboy)

3

He led me down the basement stairs. "Charlie, I'm a be honest with you. The beer that everyone up there is drinking sucks. But down here is where the party's at."

Unlike upstairs, the basement was cool with a lingering smell of weed and when I stepped down onto the floor, I could see why. In the middle of the room were a few couches and sitting next to each other were Wes and Ashley tangled up together. My heart dropped, but I shook off the feeling as I watched Wes take a hit from a blunt and then put it to Ashley's lips. He hadn't noticed me yet, and as I watched him, I had to fight the urge to run right back up the stairs. If there wasn't beer down there like Sasha promised, I would have gone right back up.

"Wes!" Sasha barked.

I jumped at his sudden outburst, but froze when Wes's head instantly snapped to us. But Wes barely even noticed me and simply held the blunt out to us. "You wan' a hit?" he asked.

I shook my head, too confused to even look at it, but Sasha grabbed it from his hand and took a hit. He held it in his mouth then turned to face me before blowing the cloud of smoke in my face. I squeezed my eyes and mouth shut, not wanting to breathe it in. After a second, I opened my eyes. Sasha laughed a little before giving the blunt back to Wes.

"Not much of a smoker, eh?" he asked.

I shook my head, eyes on the ground instead of on him. If I looked at him much longer, I might find myself with two impossible crushes instead of one

"Well, the alch's over here." He walked around the couch towards a cooler and I followed him. When he opened the cooler, I almost gasped at the wide array of liquor, everything from beer to rum to wine coolers, he had it all. Sasha glanced at me and smirked at my expression.

He grabbed a beer and popped the top. "Take whatever you want."

I reached into the ice and pulled out a bottle of rum and a coke, my favorite. I took them back to the couch where Sasha was already sitting. I sat down next to him even though the small distance between us set my nerves on fire.

"No, how you gonna do that?" Sasha asked, gesturing to my can and bottle.

I only smiled, not even looking at him. "You'll see."

I opened the can and took a large sip from the coke, then opened the rum and poured it through the small hole, somehow managing to only spill a few drops which I promptly licked up.

"See?" I said, finally looking at Sasha. His eyes were wide as he stared at the coke.

"Woah."

I almost laughed, but I knew it was the weed talking, not himself. Sasha wasn't an idiot. So I just shook my head and took a sip from the coke can. It slid down my throat easily, cooling the irritation after breathing in so much smoke. But I wasn't here to cool my sore throat. I was here to get drunk enough to finally relax, to let my guard down. So after the sip, I poured the rum in until the can almost overflowed. The cooling sensation made way for the familiar warmth that came from alcohol.

I finished off the can and reached for the rum, but Sasha beat me to it and gabbed the bottle.

"Slow down," Sasha said, setting the bottle on the end table next to him.

I glared at him. I hadn't even drank that much, only having put in a little rum, probably less than three shots. Sure, my head felt lighter than normal, but I wasn't giggling uncontrollably, and I still felt the familiar lock on my words, too focused on my surroundings for me to be drunk.

"I'm cutting you off," he said with a giggle.

"Sasha," I whined, twisting my body so I was fully facing him. "Let me get drunk."

He laughed, the sound light in my ears. "You already are." He took the bottle and unscrewed the cap, taking a swig. Immediately, his face scrunched up and he shook his head. "Why would you drink that, Charlie? It's so gross."

I scowled. "It's fine with Coke."

My voice was hard, but Sasha was oblivious as he shook his head, a smile flickering across his face. He turned away, but then quickly started laughing. He elbowed me in the side and pointed toward Wes and Ashley. Immediately, my stomach dropped, the scowl falling from my lips as surprise took over. Wes and Ashley were making out, completely oblivious to Sasha and me, probably unaware they were even being watched or just too crossfaded to care.

Sasha leaned closer to me. "How far you think they'll go before they stop?" he asked in a whisper.

I shrugged, not wanting to be next to him, or next to anyone for that matter, as I watched Wes's hands explore Ashley's body. I watched for a second, frozen as Wes kissed down Ashley's neck, her eyes closed as she moaned. I couldn't pull my eyes from them, even though I desperately wanted to. It wasn't until Sasha started laughing harder that I snapped out of the daze.

"I have to go," I murmured, standing up from the couch.

"So soon?" Sasha asked, gazing up at me with his big blue eyes.

I looked away from him and nodded. After slipping around the couch and avoiding looking at any of them, I headed up the stairs.

I raked a hand over my face as I replayed the scene over and over again. There wasn't enough alcohol circulating in my system for the feeling to go away. I didn't know why I was so upset about it. I knew there was no way Wes would ever like me back. He wasn't gay. So why was I so upset? Why did it still make my stomach drop whenever I watched Wes with another girl?

I opened the door and stepped out onto the main floor. Since I'd been gone, the floor had only filled up with more and more people. Before, there had been nobody milling around outside the basement door, but now there was a crowd of people laughing with drinks in their hands. I pushed past them. I needed to find Georgia, and I needed to find her fast.