Life of Max ✔️

Twenty-nine

HALEY

I'm clenching and unclenching my fists.

I'm wiggling my toes.

My breathing is uneven and I don't know what to do with myself.

I'm biting my nails.

I'm biting my lip.

My heart rate is going crazy, and my mind is racing.

I'm being way too emotional about this, but the tiny thing sitting on my coffee table in front of me is breaking my heart. Why the hell would he do that to himself? Why would he not tell me?

Aiden is sitting next to me, fidgeting with his phone case as always, but I know he's watching me carefully.

We're alone, for the first time in forever, it feels like. I sigh heavily and fall back against the back of the couch. I don't know what to do with myself. I really want to see Max and make sure he's okay, but I don't know if I should. He needs to prove that he can go without this new, dangerous drug he's become addicted to. He definitely is addicted. He just doesn't want to admit it. Or, if he doesn't even see that he's addicted, it might be worse than I want to admit.

I move a little closer to Aiden, and he puts his phone away, without the case, because that fell down onto the floor when I moved, and then he wraps his arms around me.

"I talked to him," he says in a soft voice, and kisses the top of my head.

"You did?" I question, and look up at him.

"Yeah, and he looked like he's sleep-deprived and he had a hard time eating a single slice of pizza. He's a wreck, H," he explains.

"I know," I say with a sigh, and lean my head down on his shoulder.

I wrap one of my arms around his stomach, and I smile a little knowing that he wants to comfort me, and that he actually went to see Max after what I told him. And it doesn't sound like he was angry with him, either, it was more like a friend checking up on another friend, because he cares.

I think. Or hope, maybe.

They both mean so much to me, and I'm probably being stupid since I haven't known Max for more than a couple months, but he's so good to me. I feel so safe in his embrace. Both of them. And I keep thinking that maybe I'm being naive, and stupid, since I'm thinking it will work to have them both.

My thoughts keep repeating themselves. The words of those stupid girls at every party since everyone found out I slept with Max even though I had a boyfriend keep playing in repeat in my mind. "Slut", "greedy", "selfish". I feel like I am all of those things, and I can't help it.

I start to sob into Aiden's shoulder, and he hugs me tighter, with both his arms around me, protectively. I haven't cried like this in so long, and it kills me that it's over a boy. A dumb idiot of a boy, actually, who doesn't see how much I care about him, and he wanted to fucking break up with me! Maybe I should have let him do that.

I can't force him to be with me if he doesn't want to, but I could tell in his eyes that every venomous word he spat at me was a lie. He cares about me too, I know he does. He might have thought that breaking up was the best way to protect me from his less than ideal situation, but I'm adamant. I won't let him drag me down, or himself. We are going to get through it, and we are going to make his life worth it. He's gonna love it. He's gonna become a softie, just like Aiden!

Well, I wouldn't want him to loose his cockiness or his need to dominate me whenever we take our clothes off.. If anything, I'd let him do that even more, but I digress...