Faith.
Dad, the boy and I were currently on a small road trip to the mountains, I tried to ignore all my feelings, i wanted to stop thinking but my mind was in overdrive. Michael and i were playing i spy, luke wanted to join in but i told him it was only our game.
I still had occurring nightmares, i was scared to go back to school but i had pushed my friends away enough, I felt bad, i kept the boys up throughout the nights, they said they didn't care but i knew they did.
The week flew by, Monday we stayed in and watched movies, we played games, dad and the boys had a few drinks which didn't bother me, Tuesday we went on a hike which was amazing, we saw amazing views and i only wished i lived here, Wednesday we camped and came back late Thursday after noon and Friday we left in the morning as the boys were called into a medical emergency.
I sat in the hospital, deciding to take a walk around i did, letting out an sound as i hit the ground i groaned. "i'm so sorry, here let me help you" i heard someone say, i looked up, taking his cold hand i smiled softly, "no it's okay, don't apologise that was my fault."
After finding his name, Jordan and I sat in the cafeteria, we ate some jello, he was admitted to the hospital with lung cancer, it was weird as he was so open about it, i found out he was 17, he was homeschooled and i found out a cool more things about him, we ended up chatting for hours till his family came and found him, i told him i would visit later as i basically lived in the hospital.
The next few weeks i visited him, i brought board games, when i couldn't sleep we face-timed the whole night, some night were harder to fall asleep then others, dad didn't like the fact i was getting so close to a patient.
I stayed beside him when he slept and when the boy's had surgery, i sat with him went he went for his rounds of chemo, i feel for him, hard and it sucked.
"you know i'm not allowed to do this" i laughed as i pushed him into the elevator, taking him up to the helipad. "i know, i just" he sighed. "i just want to spend time alone" i nodded understandably, wheeling home out. I stood next to him after i put his breaks on, grabbing his hand i smiled. "does it hurt?" i whispered, smiling as he pulled me onto his lap. He shook his head with a smile "not with you."
After sitting in silence for a while i looked at him, "y'know i never thought my life would turn out like this. I never thought i- me out of all people be sat up here with a beautiful girl with my life about to end" he sighed, i bit my lip my cheeks flushing red.
"Faith?" He muttered, i hummed and looked up at him, feeling his lips touch mine i closed my eyes. We broke apart as we heard someone yell our names, seeing my dad and a nurse, i sighed and quickly moved away. "it was my fault, he wanted to come up here- i'm sorry" i stopped talking as the nurse wheeled him away.
I looked at my dad, i knew he was angry, no one was allowed up here besides the staff. "no wonder why you were sexually assaulted. you probably threw yourself at those men! it probably wasn't even sexual assault!" he yelled at me, this instantly making tears fall down my cheeks. I instantly moved my gaze to the ground, my heart aching at his words.
I felt his eyes on me, i took in a shaky breath and ran down the stairs instead of taking the elevator, reaching a random floor i fell to the ground in tears, feeling their hands on my body i screamed, pulling at the ends of my hair i cried. I didn't want to go home tonight, i had no mom to go to, everything was my fault.
Hearing my phone buzz for the thousandth time i ignored it, i was tired, i felt disgusted in myself, keeping a tight grip onto my arms i knew i was leaving bruises, standing up i gripped onto the rails as i continued to walk downstairs.
Finding Ashton, knowing he wouldn't ask what happened i cried again, gripping his shirt i cried harder. "It's all my fault Ash, everything is always my fault" i sobbed, looking at him. "Let's get you home before the other guys do" he whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead after he wiped away my tears.
Ash and I took an uber home, as soon as we arrived i went to my room, locking my door i showered, i scrubbed my skin till it was raw and red, changing into some sweats and a jumper i crawled onto my bed, letting myself stare into space as i heard arguing downstairs.
Hearing different sets of knocks throughout the hours, i just wanted to be alone, i skipped dinner, i didn't dare let myself fall asleep that night. I snuck downstairs at 3am, i grabbed whatever alcohol i could and i took it into my room, locking my door i was thankful i didn't get caught. I never wanted to try alcohol, i didn't dare to think about drinking it after my mom but maybe it was how she took the pain away.
I was drunk, my throat burned, my head was light and i had no clue at what i was giggling at, i sat and stared at my wall till the sun creeped through my windows.
[ thank you guys for 1k 🥺❤️]
