Awsten Knight x reader/imagines

Black Thoughts

TRIGER WARNIG. IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SUICIDE AND OR SUICIDAL THOUGHTS OR SELF HARM YOU MIGHT WANT TO SKIP THIS CHAPTER.

You sit on your bed and wonder why you are even alive. You get up and go to the bathroom. You stare at yourself in the mirror. Awsten is in the other room but you are to afraid to tell him what's wrong. You are also hyper aware of the package of razors in the cupboard write next to you. You open the cupboard. You take out the razor package. Your hand hits a can of shaving cream. It hits the tile floor with a loud bang. You pick it up and stick it back in the already open cupboard. The razor package is open now. You pick one up and put it to your arm. You don't cut yet. You look at the previous scars on your arms. That dosent work. You still feel pain when you cut your arms, physical and emotional. Very quickly you bring the razor up to your throat. It rests there, almost breaking the skin. Then the skin does break, just a little, not enough to kill you, but in that moment you think about all the people who love you. Awsten, your mom, your dad and so on. you drop the razor into the sink and collapse to the floor, sobing. The noise was so loud that Awsten heard it and came rushing in. Why had you tried to do it. Once its over, its gone and you never get it back. Awsten removes your hands from your eyes. What you see is worse than death. You can see tears in his eyes. single strands of liquid escape down his face. You resent the fact that you made him unhappy. He starts to sob as well when he sees your neck. This makes you sob even harder.
"I love you so so much and I never ever want to loose you. I don't even want to think about loosening you. What I do want is you."
he opens the litte box that reavels a simple but sleek ring.
"Will you marry me?"
you don't know what to say. An hour ago you were almost dead and now your getting engaged.
"Yes"
he puts the ring on your finger and you hug each other. The force from the hug sends you both collaping onto the bed. You sit and stare at the ring and think about what it means. Awsten Jumps up "We have to tell Otto and Geoff."
With a quick phone call you and Awsten tell them. You both receive "congratulations" and "we're so happy for you." but the you go back to being tangled in each other. Then you fall asleep in Awsten's arms.