luckless

- xxxvi -

"For the crimes of tearing two lovers apart, you were sentenced to a mortal life. You were expected to find love, and learn what it means to love and lose as a human. Until you realized that love, true love, is real. Which you failed to do in your first life, and your second."

Hadn't I done that? Hadn't I loved Levi? I voiced my opinion to the council before me.

"I loved Levi. I should be free."

"You did not. You did not love him the way he loved you. You did not cherish his presence. You were careless. You weren't invested in your relationship with him. He will easily move on from you. He will remarry, and continue the line without looking back. You did not love him."

The words slapped me across the face. How dare they tell me I didn't love him? I started to boil over, angry at the figures before me. Before I could curse them with all my might, everything blackened.

Just like that, the memory opened the floodgate. Suddenly, I remembered. I wasn't Kathryn Cameron. At least, not all the way. I was so much more. I was Akalat, daughter of the betrayer Utlapa. I'd died at the age of sixteen, and had failed to find anyone to love. I'd been Kathryn Littlesea, imprinted on by Levi Uley. I thought I had loved him, but I'd died of a fever before I could truly understand the capacity. And now, I was Kathryn Cameron, imprinted on by Paul Lahote. And I apparently didn't love him yet either. But most of all, I was the trickster deity Bayaq. I was the Raven. I was immortal. And I'd done a terrible thing.

In the time of the spirit warriors, during the first Spirit Chief Kaheleha, I'd wronged the Quileute people. There had been a fair maiden, so terribly in love with a seal hunter-turned-spirit-warrior. I'd taken that spirit warrior as he roamed the lands in his projected form, stolen him away for the fun of it. I'd kept him from his body for so long that it failed where it lay. The man, stuck as a wolf entity for eternity, became Q'wati. He didn't forgive me for my wrong doings, for taking me from his beloved. And because of that, he condemned me to the punishment I was trapped in now. Become born a human of a woman of the tribe during the time of the shifters. Grow with the trials and tribulations of a human life. Find someone to love.

And I'd totally screwed everything up. Was loving my children not enough? Was loving Andy for the time I did not enough? Was loving Paul not enough?

A soft voice brushed past my ear, telling me a secret. I knew it was Levi.

"You love them enough, but you haven't admitted it yet. There must come a time when you give everything up for the sake of love. Be prepared, my sweet Kathryn. The time is approaching."

I woke with a start. My cheeks were wet with tears. Damn Q'wati. Damn myself, for being so arrogant and foolish all those centuries ago. Hadn't I learned my lesson by now? I felt like I'd gone through enough pain in my three separate lives to last me an eternity. Hadn't I served my time?

Getting dressed, taking care of my kids. It all felt so foolish now that I remembered who I was. But I needed to care for them. They were my offspring, the lights of my life. I may be otherworldly, but I'd never felt this passionately about any one thing. I would never imagine leaving them.

Throughout the morning, tears slipped from my eyes. I was glad Paul wasn't there to see. It was almost funny to me. I was older than the dirt the house was built on. I'd seen more deaths and births than Paul could count to. Yet here I was, standing in a kitchen with a baby in my arms, quietly weeping over my fate. How ironic.

If I wanted to keep them alive, I needed to shape up. And fast. The Fall Equinox was late September. It was July. How could I prove to Q'wati and the others that I loved with all my heart? That I acknowledged the truth of what it meant to be human?