Love and Lies (Part 2)

Charter 5: Psychological Revenge

I arrived home at almost 10 pm. When I got inside the house, I just threw my stuff at the couch and sat. My heart was broken. I guess broken is an understatement. Crushed would be more appropriate. At that moment, I would say it was irreparable. I was hurt... deeply hurt. What had just happened? Where did the sweet man go? Why was it replaced with a heartless man? No doubt, I was dealing with a man with a split personality. One minute he's sweet, the next minute he's a monster.

I thought back to the time when we were overflowing with sweetness. Then went back to the present time... It made me crazy thinking about it. I couldn't believe it. I really don't understand it. It makes me wanna blame myself. I couldn't help asking these questions, "What have I done? Have I done something wrong to make him act the way he did? Have I said something wrong that made him change his mind that quick?" The answer is No. We were very much okay before I went to work. The level of sweetness was over a hundred percent that's why my mind can't fathom what had just happened.

I wanted to scream to ease the pain and to let out my pent up emotions. I wanted to scream for being stupid. I wanted to scream for falling for his sweetness for the nth time. I wanted to scream for believing in him again. However, I couldn't. It was late at night and my neighbours might hear me and they might think I've gone crazy. I wanted to unblock him from any of the chat apps and send him a message just to curse him and say bad things about him to make me feel good. Luckily, reasons overruled emotions. So, I didn't. Why can't I do it, damn it?!

While sitting in the couch, fighting with my mind and emotion, my eyes drifted to my bedroom. The door was halfway open. Then I saw the violet stuff toy Pierre gave me lying in my bed. A foolish idea came to mind. I got up and went to my room and picked up the stupid stuff toy. I went back to the couch and started to tear it apart but I couldn't. I got a pair of scissors and cut it out into pieces. Placed it in a plastic bag and went out to put it in the trash. I looked at the garbage bin and said to myself like it was Pierre himself that's in there, "There... that's where you belong... you piece of rubbish!"

Over the weekend, I tried to be okay. I acted like everything was fine. However, it was hard to do it. It wasn't easy to pretend that nothing was wrong because everything was a mess. I couldn't just stay in the house the whole day or I'll go insane. I needed to do something to get this off my mind. I called a friend and we went out. We went shopping and chilled out at a nice resto in Clark after. She suggested the place and I liked it. The food was good too. I never mentioned about my ex though. I just wanted to be normal that day. I didn't want to talk about it or it would just ruin my day.

Finally, it was time to go. Good thing she offered me a ride home. We were having fun during the drive home when suddenly she asked me about him.  I was taken aback. I didn't expect this. This is the one topic that I was avoiding the whole time. I know how she will react if I tell her the whole story. I faked a smile and responded, "Oh him... I guess he's just okay." It was her turn to be surprised, "Why does it sound like you're not sure? I thought you two are talking again. You even told me he's coming to our party."

My reply was short, "Not anymore."

At that instant, I knew there was no turning back. I'm sure more probing questions will follow. So, I had to prepare myself for the next one.

""Why, what happened?"

"Would you really like to know?"

"Yeah, of course. Tell me everything."

"First, promise me you'll not explode with anger and slap me for being stupid."

"I can't promise you that. Just make sure that you won't tell me that he hurt you. Also, please don't tell me you became pathetic and you begged him to stay."