Fire is Catching

Chapter 9: The Countdown

Once we're back on our floor, I go straight to my room and write my goodbye messages. I start with Lilyanna, because all I've been thinking about is what I should say to her.

My sunshine Yana,

If you're reading this, it means that I've died protecting Everdeen in the Games. The first thing I want to say is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I chose rebellion over you. I know I haven't always been a good mother, but I hope you learned a few things from me. I know I learned things from you. I learned that determination is one of the greatest traits you can have. I learned to turn the other cheek. You were my greatest gift, Lilyanna. I never knew I would end up loving you so much, but I did. You are my stubborn girl, my brave daughter, my only sunshine.

Now I've just noticed how many times in this letter I've said the word 'I'. Maybe that's why I wasn't a good mother to you-all the 'I's in my life. YOU, Lilyanna Winter are my greatest love, and I cannot be more proud of you.

Love,
Mom

I write Georgina's next, because I don't think I can bring myself to write Chase's yet.

Georgina,

It is not your fault that I am dead. You probably think it is, and that's why you're thinking about returning to morphling. Maybe you already have. But it was always my plan to die. Even if I had the skill to beat those people in combat, they are my friends, and I never could bring myself to do it. I probably should have told you, but I couldn't bear to see the look on your face if I told you I'd given up.

Morphling will not bring me back. Lilyanna taught me that if you want something to get better, you have to have the strength and courage to make it better. Speaking of my daughter, she cares about you. If she saw you turn to morphling, she'd be heartbroken. Lilyanna already cries whenever she sees you hyped up on that stuff. I'm sorry you had to go through with this.

Alex

I seal Georgina's in a white envelope, and write her name on the front. Now to Chase's letter. I knew this one would be the hardest, because at the moment, I don't even know how I feel about Chase.

Dear Chase,

If you're reading this, I am dead. You probably hate me right now, because I didn't fight harder to come back. But I am dying to save Everdeen. Stupid, stupid Everdeen. Now I'm sure you're mad that I chose Everdeen's life over the life that you, Lilyanna and I have crafted over the years. I would be mad at me too.

Ever since you kissed me, I've wondered about how I feel about you. You make my life a large mystery full of fun. When I'm sad, you cheer me up with your wit. When I have nightmares, you hug me, and comfort me. You're the best person I could've chosen to spend my recent life with. I remember meeting you, and think about it all the time. You were nineteen, I was seventeen. I had just won the Games, and everyone was congratulating me, asking me questions. I wanted to escape. The first thing you did was hug me. I didn't know you, at least not personally. We'd never met each other and you hugged me. Over the years we became best friends. I don't know what we are now, but I know that when my cannon goes off, I'll be thinking about you.

Love,
Alex

"What're you doing?" A voice asks.

I whirl around to see Georgina standing in the doorway. I can't bring myself to speak.

I deal up Chase's letter and write his name. Tears are streaming down my face.

Georgina puts her hand on my shoulder. "Are those what I think they are?" She asks in her dark tone.

I nod tearfully.

She sighs. Her hands move to the envelope where I wrote her name. "Alex, I-"

"I-I need you to p-pass them on." I sob. "If I die-"

Georgina hoists me up. "Live, and pass them out yourself."

I look at her through my tears. "You and I both know I won't be able to."

"You and I both know you're going to try." She says firmly. Georgina leads me over to the bed, and helps me into it. She pulls the covers over my body, and says, "Get some sleep, you'll need it."

Georgina takes my letters, and shuts off the light on her way out.

***

I don't sleep. Not a wink. I rest my eyes, I have nightmares, but I don't sleep. In the next few weeks, the Capitol will have an uprising on their hands. They already do, in fact.

At dawn, Georgina enters. She tells me to put on a bra and come with her. I oblige, and she leads me to the hovercraft landing pad.

"Meet up with your alliances immediately. I'll work with your sponsors, people really seem to like you." Georgina laughs dryly. "I don't know why." She hugs me, which is something she's never done before. I have never seen her hug anyone. "Don't lose yourself in there, Alex."

I nod. Kora offers me a hand, and he leads me into the hovercraft. On the way there, I put my head on his shoulder and don't lift it except to eat or drink. Even then I don't eat or drink much.

They insert my tracker, which is difficult for me since I do not like needles. I make a note to remember where my tracker is if we get far enough into Beetee's plan where I cut it out.

I shower in the Launch Room, while Kora examines the fabric of my outfit. It's purple, and my heart pangs at the thought of Jassie.

"It won't protect you from much." He says. "Especially cold. The arena could be anything. Maybe something with water. It would be easy to swim in this, if you forget about the terrible creatures that are probably going to be in the water."

I nod, and put the outfit on. Kora hands me the sun necklace and I clasp my finger over it for comfort.

"60 seconds to launch." A monotone voice says.

I hug Kora one last time. "I'll see you later." He says. "Good luck, Alex.

I step into the cylinder and wait for the plate to rise. 60 seconds later, I am still in the tube. What is going on?

"Launch begins now." The voice says, and my plate begins to rise.

Here we go.