Murder the Heroes

Chapter Three; Section One

“Your highness, your highness!” Said the buxom beauty with some urgency, even as Arrend squeezed her magnificent bosom. He laughed, she giggled. As her breasts were ample, he brought both hands to bear. “Your highness!” She said again, as she took him by the shoulder and began to shake him. Why was she doing that?

“Stop shaking me,” he told her, “I am your liege!”

“Your highness, there’s an emergency!” Arrend frowned. She had a rather deep voice for such a coquettish little creature. She sounded like a tuba. But then he smiled. What did he care? He had a way to shut her up!

“Yes, there is an emergency! It’s hot and throbbing and it’s in my pants!” She looked suitable shocked. He came in for a kiss.

She threw a glass of water in his face.

He sputtered his surprise and sat up, coughing and shouting at the same time – quite an accomplishment in and of itself, if he’d taken the time to reflect on it. The girl was gone and in her place stood the squirrelly and bent first advisor to the King – Benjamin Cray. His advisor now, with the King indisposed.

With a satisfied thunk the man put the empty glass back on the nightstand.

“What?”

“I’m sorry, your highness, but though I’ve heard a kiss can sometimes wake sleeping beauties, in this case a glass of water seemed a more apt solution.”

“What?”

“There is a problem, sir. Goblins have been sighted.”

“What? Goblins? Can’t you deal with them? I was taking my afternoon nap!”

“I am no military man, your highness. Besides, your father always took care of such things personally, especially when such sightings were not in some far flung village, but here, in the city, under our very noses.”

“Here?” That changed matters. His father would not be well pleased if he came round to find out his son had slacked off, and since the Champions had gone off to find an antidote his recovery had become very likely. Once that bunch put their minds to something they rarely failed.

“Fine!” Arrend barked. He flung off the blankets, dried himself as best he could and belted on a robe. “Though how dare you throw water in my face! That is just not done! I’m your king!” For the moment anyway.

“I did try shaking you. Unfortunately all the response that got was some inappropriate groping and mumbling about an emergency in your pants?” 

“Ah, yes.” Arrend cleared his throat, “Where are these goblins then?” They came into the main hall. The military men, court wizard and a Krull representative were there already. Didn’t any of these people need their afternoon naps? How did they overcome their lethargy from the morning’s wine if they didn’t?

“Alright, tell me what’s going on!” Arrend barked as he plopped himself down and signalled for wine.

“Well, your highness. As of about an hour ago goblins started pouring out of the sewers. Quite a few of them, actually. Many more than originally went down there. They surprised and overwhelmed the city guard, established a foothold, threw up barricades and started dragging people underground. It was quite a mess.”

“So, send in the army.”

“Ah, we did that, your highness. A whole platoon of castle guards. A hundred hardened veterans.”

“Was this before or after you woke me?”

“Before, your highness. We know you like your afternoon nap.”