Reach Above and Beyond

Mask

I take a deep breath,

And then let it go.

I try to keep my face impassive,

And not let my emotions show.

I feel nauseous on the inside,

And my heart palpitates.

I wish I felt more confident,

As I stand here, waiting for my fate.

They say that life is like a box of chocolates,

You'll never know what kind you'll ever get.

But fate doesn't deal everyone the same hand,

As we place our lives as a bet.

We put everything on the line,

Just to see ourselves fail.

Our hope disappears,

And quickly sets sail.

Leaving us with nothing,

But our own darkness that prevails.

As I try to wade through,

The muddled mess of my own emotions,

I feel something tug at my heart,

And I wonder what could cause such a motion.

I've never felt something like this before,

Was it the revival of a long forgotten feeling,

That I had wanted to ignore?

My mind screams to be rational,

That I possibly can't have such thoughts.

But why do I have these stirrings,

That I should be looking for the things,

That I have never sought.

There must be greater power pulling at these strings,

That makes my brain cry out.

I must be forgetting something,

For me to have such doubt.

It can't possibly be fear,

For I thought I had banished my demons,

Far too long ago.

Have they come back to haunt me,

From deep below?

I feel them clawing at me,

Their wicked teeth sink in,

And I try to hold on,

As they tear through my skin.

I won't succumb to them now,

For I have so much more to live for.

I will continue to struggle in this endless battle,

Until I cannot fight no more.

Where is the sword, the shield,

That you promised to bequeath to me,

At the time I needed you the most?

Was it all a lie, a ruse,

Something that you wished to boast?

I know that this is my own fight,

A battle within myself,

But for once can you support me,

And not abandon me, like yourself?

I plaster on this mask,

And pretend that everything is fine.

But in reality, turmoil,

Rocks the boat that is my mind.

How long can I continue to keep this up,

I want to ask myself.

I have done it for so long,

That I have forgotten who I really am.

Why do I feel so wrong?

I take another breath,

And have to let it go.

I can't keep it in any longer,

For my true feelings have started to show.

I can see the cracks and delineations,

In what was once a perfect mask.

And I wonder,

Why I didn't ask.

My heart fails to beat again,

And I feel my body begin to sink.

I feel so close to the end,

And I know I am at the brink.

I just wish that my futile attempts,

Weren't all in vain.

Maybe then,

I wouldn't be in so much pain.