Reach Above and Beyond

Epiphany

I bash my head against the wall,

And I fall down to my knees.

I start to finally question,

Who I was trying to please?

I did all of these things,

In order to continue to pretend,

That my life was perfect,

That I had everything planned and sorted out.

But in reality, my mind is in disarray,

And so overcrowded with fears and doubt.

I am too afraid to admit it,

And I feel like I am a true coward at heart.

My pride prevents me from asking for help,

So, I've been alone since the start.

Is it because I am an introvert,

And unable to break free of my antisocial ways?

Or is it because I am too awkward to maintain a simple conversation,

That might make you want to stay?

I can hardly confide in myself,

Since I play as the devil's advocate far too much.

I often give into my insecurities and fears,

But I wish it wasn't such.

Who can save me from my demons,

The ones that I thought I had exorcized so long ago?

I keep begging for someone to help me,

But no one ever shows.

I have to be my own hero;

I can't rely on others to rescue me from myself.

These things that I envision to torture me,

Are a figmentation of my own imagination.

Why can't I agree,

That I have voluntarily placed myself in this situation?

They say that the first step in acceptance,

Is to start to reject denial.

Why can't I see the truth,

Even though I might think it to be vile?

I put these blinders over my face,

So that I can focus on my own race.

But in reality, all they do,

Is make me want to,

Is see the bigger picture,

And escape from my predetermined path.

Is that too much to ask?

I need to have some humility;

I need to have some faith.

Why can't I perceive the possibilities,

If I decide to take control of myfate?

Is it because I am too frightened of the unknown?

No, I need to be brave and face the aftermath,

Of my own decisions.

I cannot afford to be punished,

Anymore by my indecision.

I will take the bull by the horns,

And finally face my fears.

I will now confront them on my own volition,

Nowhere else, but here.

I will no longer fall down to my knees,

And tilt my head up in despair.

For I now vow to be myself,

And I won't care,

What all of my haters think about me,

Anymore.

I am worth so much more,

Then what they bargained for.