IN JUPITER IT RAINS

t w e n t y - o n e

SNIPPETS ON A PLANE

i.

i keep waiting for an apology. i don't know why. how could i expect you to apologize when i haven't apologized to myself either? how could i ply you with my insecurities and want you to be deserving of knowing parts of myself i gave away to you too easily - without needing to. i think i gave myself to you because i was tired of giving to myself and rejecting it.

ii.

have you ever flewn at night? see how the cities that seem so vast and all consuming are actually dark places with yellow and bright white fluorescent lights touching us intimately like constellations fashioned from man-made labyrinths. have you ever realized a city is not a just a city? it was planned and measured, cultivated with garden and masonry tools till the earth & stone become home to beings unseen above. cracked open computer hard drives and studded diamond earrings with their ornate systems of interwoven metric design. a golden chain strewn on the floor, watch as the child asks for it to be pressed against its skin. to feel the bumps and scratches of gold turned thread, kissed into snakes making love held with a clasp. kissing the skin of a child enraptured by their skin pricked by cold tangled metal not precious for its worth but its color. yellow. 

iii.

do you ever look at the world and realize we can see more and more of it and can see less and less of ourselves in the landscape?

iv.

if i looked down from my airplane window, do you think i could pinpoint where you last impressed yourself into the sides of a backyard sanctuary of overgrown weeds and ivy-ridden / coke cans / beer bottle Virgin Mary statues hide. praying for who knows - maybe for you to stay her sinner child. so that she may taste rebellion so that she can point to me on this plane and send it to turbulance. render me weak so she can remember her own legend.

v.

mother mary, i should try to pray, how can i see myself like this city [from above the clouds] / how can i be holy even in the shit piled backrooms of tear stained teenagers? how can i give back to myself? how did you - when he willingly held what we wanted to be seen?