Catch Me

Chapter 19

     I stormed through the SSI and ignored the looks people shot me. Storming up to Will's office, I barged though his door and grew pleased when I saw Will jump. He was sitting behind his desk, staring at me with wide eyes and I slammed his door shut, uncaring about the ruckus I was making. After what Will did to me, I didn't care about anything.

     "How could you!" I shouted. "Why did you have to ruin my life?"

    "Clarissa, you didn't book a meeting," Will said, growing expressionless. His face was devoid of emotion and I grew angrier by the second, wanting Will to stop hiding his expressions. "Please book a meeting before you barge into my office like this."

     "You told me a spy has to put their mission before their feelings, but you ruined the mission just because you were jealous of Kyle. You're just a hypocrite Will! You're so selfish and so unprofessional. I don't know why you're my boss."

     Will winced and he stood up, nearly knocking over his chair. His eyes were on me and they hardened as he glared at me, seeming to wish I'd leave him alone. But, I wouldn't dare leave him. After everything, I wanted Will to realize what he'd done.

     "Don't you dare act as if I was the one who ruined the mission," Will said. "You fell for Kyle. You were protecting him from the SSI and you're letting the citizens of Linhedge be harmed by his drug dealings. This is all your fault. You're the selfish one."

     "I hate you!" I spat. Shocked by my harsh words, I threw my hand over my mouth to hide my shock. And when Will looked genuinely hurt by what I said, I began to feel guilty.

     Will stared at me with a sad look, his eyes full of pain and his body looking drained. And for the first time since Will ruined my life, I felt bad for Will as I remembered I had broken his heart just like how Kyle had broken mine the other day. And I knew how much it hurt. I knew how much it ate away at you, leaving you bleeding and hurting daily, which was why I shrunk back and debated on taking my words back.

     "I was just trying to protect you," Will said, his voice gentle for once. No longer was he hiding his emotions. For once, he was wearing them on his sleeves as he stared at me with a longing, but pained look. "I love you. Note even romantically, but I have always loved you as my best friend. So when I found out you fell for Kyle, I freaked out and knew I had to stop him from hurting you. He's a drug dealer and he doesn't care about anyone but himself. I couldn't let a man like him do anything wrong to you. So believe me when I say that I hurt you only because I didn't want Kyle to hurt you instead."

     "You don't even know Kyle," I whispered. "If you knew Kyle, you would know he would never hurt me."

     Will hesitated. He looked torn and I stared at him, tearing up as I thought about the man I fell for. He wasn't a bad guy. Even now, after he left me, I knew he wasn't a bad guy and I yearned to hold him and tell him that I knew the real him.

     "He left, do you know that?" I asked. "Kyle's gone and there's nothing we can do about it. There's... nothing I can do about it and that's why I'm here yelling at you. I don't know what to do."

     "Well, I'm sorry to hear that," Will said, pulling his eyes away from me to stare at the ground. "But he's gone and you should be happy. You should be thankful for me because I saved you from worse heartbreak. I know it sucks now, but you'll be thanking me soon."

     "You're the worst. Seriously Will, you're heartless."

     Whirling around, I stormed off and slammed his door shut, uncaring about the looks I was given by the other spies wandering the hallways. And as I stormed home, I wondered how we used to be best friends. I wondered how I never noticed everything wrong with Will and with that, I decided to erase him out of my life and to focus on bringing Kyle back.

*****

     I was laying on my couch with my laptop on my lap, hacking away in hopes of finding Kyle's location. I spent days searching to no avail. But then, right before I was about to give up, a source told me they found Kyle's location and that he was located in a hotel in our neighbouring city. My heart had risen at the news and without a second thought, I ran to my car and set off to bring Kyle back to me. After days of missing of him, of wishing things had been different, I knew I would do anything to at least explain to Kyle why I did what I did and that the truth was, I really did love him and would never betray him.

*****

     I was standing outside the room Kyle was in. It had been ten minutes since I got there, but my feet were frozen in place. As I thought about the hateful look Kyle gave me and as I thought about how much he hated me, I feared knocking on the door. I feared his reaction, which was why I didn't do anything. For minute after minute, I waited for some force to push me into confronting Kyle.

     Although I had been so determined to make things right with Kyle, I knew deep down he wouldn't forgive me. And the worst part was, I didn't blame him for hating me. I didn't blame him for running away because I fooled him. He was a closed off person who trusted no one, and I fooled him into thinking I was trustworthy, which I knew was the worst part. Kyle had thrown down his barriers for me, a spy, who had been trying to land him in jail and that confirmed Kyle's exact fears of never trusting anyone.

     But realizing I spent three hours driving to this hotel and that I wouldn't go home if I didn't at least talk to Kyle, I slowly moved my hand towards the doorbell. Despite my fears and worries, I knew I couldn't just turn back and go home without trying. And even though I didn't know if he'd even talk to me, I knew I had to try. For Kyle, I had to try to explain myself.

     Pressing the doorbell, I heard it ring and I jumped. My heart began to pound against my chest and my palms grew sweaty, and it took everything in me not to bolt. And when Kyle opened the door, my heart dropped.

     Kyle stood there staring at me for a moment and for a mere second, his eyes grew wide. He stared at me horrified, as if he couldn't believe I was there in front of him, but he quickly concealed that look and he then began to glare at me. I gulped, unsure of what to say first.

     "You really are a spy," Kyle said. "How did you find me?"

     "Oh, I must look like a stalker," I said, eyes widening. Blushing, I realized how creepy it was for me to find him, but desperate times asked for desperate measures. "Sorry, I just really want to talk to you."

     Kyle stared at me for a moment, his expression concealed behind an angry look. I stared at him, my eyes pleading for him to talk to me. To let me explain at the very least, so I wouldn't spend the rest of my life regretting not telling him the truth.

     "Well, I don't want to talk," Kyle said, starting to close the door. "Goodbye Clarissa. Have a good life."

     Kyle stepped back and slammed the door shut, and I felt like the wind was knocked out of my lungs. Frozen for a moment, unable to believe Kyle had slammed the door in my face, I was left stunned as reality settled in. And without thinking, I began to freak out.

     Spamming his doorbell, I shouted, "Kyle! Please Kyle. Just talk to me."

     I kept ringing his doorbell, desperate, but Kyle didn't respond at all. He didn't say a word, he didn't dare open the door. Instead, I was left there spamming his doorbell, wishing he'd open up.

     And after a few minutes of ringing his doorbell, I broke out into tears. I stopped ringing his doorbell and instead decided to scream my feelings out.

     "Kyle please!" I shouted. "I care so much about you. I don't want to lose you. Please just talk to me. Please!"

     But even with my begging, even with me sobbing my eyes out in front of his door, Kyle didn't open the door. He didn't say anything. He just let me break down in front of his new home as if I meant absolutely nothing to him.

     For half an hour I kept crying in front of his door and occasionally, I'd beg for him to talk to me. But with every minute that passed, it became clearer that Kyle wanted nothing to do with me. He was officially over me, he wanted me to move on, but I couldn't. After falling for Kyle and knowing this couldn't be the end of us, I knew I had to try. But yet, I had a feeling that Kyle would never forgive me. As he let me sob my eyes out without any remorse, I realized Kyle didn't care about me anymore.