Say You Love Me

{14}

Why she agreed to have the party at her flat, Hermione had no idea. Maybe she was insane, or maybe she didn't have a lick or care in the world for her possessions, or just possibly, she was dying and wanted some good memories to take with her.

So when her and Ron were heatedly discussing where to throw the best stag do for Harry, their companionship solely based on this one unifying thing, it was her own mouth that got her into the situation. Her place (their old place together), some extension charms approved by the ministry, and lots of food later, they were having a party.

It wasn't a normal stag-do, as with anything including the three of them. Hermione wanted everyone there, and despite the awkward tension between her and Severus that neither one was willing to address, even he was invited. So, everyone who was attending the wedding would be present. Rather a simple idea.

People arrived at staggeringly different times. Hermione's rather large flat was full within the first hour, apparation coming in and out at varying times.

She hadn't seen Severus yet, but just because he was invited it didn't mean he was going to come. How often had people seen him leave his house on the coast? Rarely. Hermione was probably luckier than anything to have gotten him to have lunch with her a little bit ago.

Hermione was happy in the throng of people, whether or not she looked it was a different story. Draco and Harry were slung around one-another, whiskies in hand and laughing as they told stories to their friends and pseudo-family. It was funny to see them surrounded by so many people. Especially since it was like a conglomerate of Gryffindors and Slytherins.

Seeing Ron with Pansy was surreal. Her thoughts about it did not limit to the fact that she wanted to be on his arm still, even after everything that had happened with Severus over the past couple of weeks. She loved him, and seeing him with someone else... and happily so, well, it hurt more than coughing up flower petals did. There was a time, only months ago, when Hermione had wanted to spend the rest of her life with the git!

Now she wasn't going to be spending the rest of her life with anyone.

"Hey, Hermione," Luna came up to her and smiled brightly.

"Hi, Luna!"

She took the hug without question and sipped more heavily on her whiskey. It burned pleasantly more and more each time Hermione drank.

"Did you invite Severus?"

"I did," Hermione choked out after another swallow of liquor.

Luna smiled, looking as though she were up to something quite suspicious.

"And will you indulge him?"

Hermione glared at her healer.

"Absolutely not, Luna. What good would that do? He's already far too attached to me, if I let him in, that could ruin him more than being my friend will. I just barely escaped him finding out about the petals a few days ago."

"And are you going to shut out all of your friends to spare them, too? What about me, Hermione? Are you going to let everyone you love waste their time with you because you're being selfish! You're terrified of dying and leaving people behind, but I think you're more afraid of being left behind. You want it faster, sooner, just so you'll know that they will move on without you." Luna finished, her anger kept and quiet, which was twenty times more frightening than the bellow of anyone.

Hermione felt small, like a scorned child who had tried to do the right thing but still failed nonetheless. It was odd... to be on this side of a rant.

"Luna, I can't hurt him like that. I'm not going to stop being friends with anyone though... you're right, it would be more cruel than dying-"

"And I still think you should tell someone, anyone, because you're going to go insane keeping all of this to just us," Luna told her far more lightly than she'd been speaking before.

Luna's dress was a light yellow, and Hermione wished the happy color would permeate her own brain like the rumor that Van Gogh had swallowed yellow paint in hopes it would make him happy.

She couldn't tell people, it would only make them weird, and she liked the way they acted around her already. It was easy and friendly, and the tension of her death wasn't ideal at all.

"Luna, I'm sorry, but you know probably better than anyone, that I am just going to do what I think is best." Hermione watched Luna's disappointment, then it changed, her focus somewhere else.

"I think Severus is here," she informed.

Hermione nervously adjusted her own outfit, looking over at Severus who had come through the door, already being attacked by Draco who was most likely smashed at that point.

"You like him a lot."

"Yeah," Hermione agreed mindlessly, feeling her lips speak without her own permission. It was true, however.

She couldn't deny it. He was an attractive man, his retirement taking years off that had been put on by constant occlumency walls and double-agent tasks. Hermione hadn't asked him about much of it, feeling it wasn't a topic for them to go over, especially since she went and swam at his home.

"You look at him as though he is something unattainable, Hermione. You know that he isn't, why do you deny yourself the pleasure with what little time you have?" Luna suggested, playing Devil's advocate.

"He's already lost one woman he loved," Hermione snapped, feeling poorly about it the moment she said it. She started softer this time, "I can't do that to him again. And my feelings for Ron so blatantly growing in my chest, even as the real feelings shrink."

She looked at Severus again, seeming pleased, actually, to be around all the people, Draco's interest in him enough to keep the crowds away, but those who were brave put themselves in proximity to the conversation. Harry was on the other side of the house, but Hermione was far more focused on Severus.

She wanted to ask him for help, for him to save her, but that was a burden she couldn't put on him. He would only be more guilty if he knew, only more angry at her for not letting him into her life sooner. Hermione sighed. She was living through her own personal hell that only Luna was privy to, and it hurt her not to share.

And of course, wouldn't she have Severus's attention on her when she began to violently cough, her bedroom and sanctity all the way across her flat, no way of escaping to it so that he did not see what was to come.

A/N

SUPER IMPORTANT MESSAGE PART TWO:

So, obviously I changed some things. Some chapters remain almost untouched, while others, like the first, second, and previous two chapters (13 and 14) just off the top of my head, have changed sorta drastically (1 is entirely new). I would suggest going back and re-reading them. If you don't want to re read. I get it. Now worries! I'll sum up Hermione's new disease here (which is really the only thing I changed besides her relationship with Ron having only ended a few months prior to the start of this book):

Hanahaki Curse: An ancient and outlawed Chinese curse where the victim, if suffering from unrequited love, will begin to gradually grow flowers in their lungs and begin to cough up petals gradually, and eventually even whole flowers that will slowly kill them. The only known remedies include the person who the other person is in love with falling in love with them, or getting the flowers (and all feelings of love with them) removed. Otherwise, there is about a two year prognosis from the first petal coughed up.

(This is not how the hanahaki disease is described in common lore, but I changed it to fit the story's purposes.)

Anyways, we will get back to regularly schedule updates within the next couple of days! See you guys then! And thank you for being patient with me, as I am much more happier with this story now!