Love Is Synthetic

Loving You

People always say that love is boundless. That you can’t control it when you find that special someone. You lose all control over what you feel and of your heart. That’s what happened to me when I met you. I fell hopelessly and breathlessly in love with a boy I barely knew, giving him my whole heart. Talking with you all weekend, trusting you with the real me seemed so easy. Carelessly, I let you breakdown my walls without bothering to fight back because I wanted you to know the real me, the one I hide from everyone else. Your laugh filled me with happiness, right down to my core, because I knew I had caused it. It was a feeling so strong and one so new to me. Curiously, I let this feeling, overwhelming and loving, build up inside of me, until; finally, I burst open with a gushing love for you. An uncontrollable addiction that could never be satisfied.

Loving you is easy, because you know me. My fears, my secrets, my dreams, my everything. You know me right down to my soul, not caring what they say about me. You love for who I am, even if it is as just a friend. All I ask for is that, in some way or another, you'll always be there for me, holding me as I cry, and helping me back up when I stumble and fall. Each day, when I wake up from a night of dreams about you, I'll think of you, wondering if you’re thinking of me too. I know that you'll notice me, wearing my jacket and yet still cold, and you'll offer me yours like the sweet boy I know you to be. I blush when you look at me, because my heart skips a beat and it sounds so loud in my ears that you must be able to hear it too. You will lean in to hug me, and I debate stealing just one kiss, but I never get my chance because you’re gone to soon.

Letting go is impossible, absolutely unthinkable. If I ever told you that I had moved on, in my heart it will always be a lie, because letting you in made you a part of me. A part that I would rather die than let go of. Loosing you now would crush me, crush me into pure nothingness. A useless girl who no longer had a purpose to wake up in the morning, who no longer had a reason to exist. Loosing you would mean giving in to the darkness that so many others already have gone into. You pulled my heart back together, piece by piece, after all that I had suffered through alone. Though managing to let go of you long enough to go home, the hollow aching in my chest starts to grow, and eventually swallows me whole. I left my heart behind with you and I only ask this: Don’t break my heart like so many others. Keep it whole and love me just as much as I do you. Please, don’t rip up my paper heart.