Chapter Ten

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It's hard for me to concentrate on anything unless I'm interacting with people, and even when I'm interacting I barely process that I'm talking to people. None of it matters anyway. It's honestly hard to even pretend to feel things, because I don't care enough to try, I don't even remember what feeling feels like. But I know it's better than this. Like thisIt's like I'm swimming in a sea of darkness and emptiness, to lost in it to care about the light and the feeling of being whole. But there is a light. A light that I think is searching for me, a light that I almost want to find. Almost.

*Shouto's P.O.V*

I'm sick and tired of seeing Eijiro like that. It's hurting me not to talk to him but what hurts more is that I am the only one that's hurting. He doesn't even care. I wish I could just let him go but my stupid heart won't let me. He's just to good for me to let him go. I know that if I were in his situation, he would help me in anyway that he could, he wouldn't just sit around and ponder what he should try next, he would take action, he wouldn't be afraid to try.And he wouldn't of abandoned me no matter what. Even if he couldn't bare the sight of me. I'm letting my feelings get in the way but it just hurts to see him like that. I'll never be good enouh to fix him because I'm nothing like him. If I were more like him, I would've already had this figured out. But It just hurts too much. That's why I stopped talking to him, because I can't look at him without remembering that I lost him, and how I could've tried  harder, but didn't because I was being petty. It's almost like him being emotionless is making me even more emotionless, like I don't care anymore. But I have to care for both of us and caring is something that I've never been good at. I really want to talk to him but I can't bring myself to do it, I made a promise and I don't like breaking promises. But being petty is what got us here in the first place, so I can't be petty now or I fear I will just make everything a whole lot worse. I think that I'm really zoned out.

Zoning out is my new go to, there's barely a time when I'm not zoned out, all so I can try to help him. But I can't think of anything, the one time I need it most my brain won't work! I just want Eijiro back. I'm always thinking of ways to help but I'm to scared to try them, in fear that it won't work. That would crush me.
(Ochako) "Guys, Shouto's zoned out again."
(Izuku) " Maybe we should talk to him to try and figure out what's wrong."
(Tenya) " We already tried talking to him, he won't spill anything."
(Tsuyu) " So does anyone have a plan?"

I'm aware that they're talking about me. In fact I'm aware that they're also concerned, but I'm to concerned about my friend to care. I need to focus on getting Ejiro back. There must be some way to snap him out of it. Slow breathing, calming nerves, breathe in, and breathe out. Okay, I'm ready to think.

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