Find Me : A Reylo Story

I

I woke up abruptly, the sound of the howling winds slamming against the wooden door of my home startled me. I rubbed my tired eyes with my hands and sat up straight in my bed, the hard mattress made my back ache every day.

I stretched out my arms and looked around the room, the sound of rain smashing against the stone walls made sleep seem impossible. I sighed softly to myself and stood up from my bed, a cold wind ripped across my uncovered body. I slowly walked across my room and grabbed a lengthy, very soft robe. I pulled the soft fabric over my arms and crossed them in front of me, keeping the robe closed of my frigid body.

I emerged out of my bedroom and entered my small common room. I placed myself in front of the dying embers of the fire I'd built before nightfall. I wondered about rebuilding the fire but the idea seemed too taxing for my tired body. I held my hand out and felt the force wrap around Luke's saber, I focused on brining the weapon to my hand. I stared somberly at the once great weapon that destroyed Darth Vader, was now being used to rekindle a fire because I was cold.

I ignited the weapon and squinted my eyes as icy blue light exploded across the room. I pressed the end of the saber in to the dying embers, the dead leaves underneath the thick logs quickly caught fire and began to grow under the charred wood. I sheathed the weapon and placed it gently next to me, the warmth flowed around me and I immediately felt at peace. The smoke was thankfully washed away by the strong wind whistling through the holes in the stone walls.

The fire cracked with each small movement of the logs, I hovered my hands over the fire and let my shoulders slump by my side. I felt overcome with sleeplessness and depression. I pulled my hands away from the fire and let my head fall in to my palms. I couldn't bear another sleepless night, it was all too daunting. I debated whether I should cry or not, I was always confident in my ability to control my emotions in reasonable circumstances but nights like these were too much on my worn out soul.

The loud wind was suddenly muffled as my body hummed at something ahead of me. I forced the tears that dared to fall from my eyes to go away, I couldn't appear as broken as I was. The feeling didn't go away, I knew what that meant. I sighed as I remembered this feeling, a feeling I was almost relieved to feel again.

"I can't do this right now" I lied, my head still hanging low in my hands. There was a charged silence as I could hear his breathing, deep and full of caution and confusion. It'd been so long since we'd spoken to each other, maybe seven months, and I wasn't the most pleased with him at the moment. But the idea of human interaction sounded too good to pass up at the moment.

"You know I don't control this" he said calmly, I just silently agreed and lifted my head to see him sitting on the other side of the fire. The warm light of the flames casted a lovely glow on his face, his tired face. His eyes were soft and open toward me, his shoulders were slumped like mine and his hands fell limp between his legs.

He studied me as I sat there, my lips trembled from the cold wind washing over my neck. Small bumps arose on my arms and legs, the cold was growing stronger than the warmth. I looked down at the edge of my sleeve and picked at the thin threads of the robe. I pushed my lips out and giggled quietly to myself, although I didn't like Ben for what he's done. I couldn't help myself from craving normal interaction.

"How..." I started to say, his brow furrowed and I kept my eyes trained on my sleeve, "how was your day?" I asked plainly. I could sense the confusion as I asked him such a basic yet personal question. His voice stuttered to answer but I just put my hand up to stop, "never mind, I'm just..."

"No, it's alright" he interrupted, I looked up at him and saw his eyes trained on me. I just felt a very small smile grow on my face as he looked at his own hands and cleared his throat. "It was good" he answered quickly, I nodded my head and picked at my nails, "how was yours?"

It made me feel good that he didn't despise me, even though I gave him enough reasons to. I nodded to myself and threw a piece of picked thread in to the fire, "lonely...always lonely" I muttered to myself. He just gave me a remorseful look and swallowed.

"You aren't with the resistance?" He questioned, I shook my head and leaned back on the woven seat. The thought of the resistance being together gave me a glimmer of hope, thinking that Leia was safe with Poe, Chewie and Finn made my spirits lift. But I knew the rebels were scattered and being hunted by the first order, I didn't even know if Finn was safe anymore.

"No, after the attack..." my voice faltered, his body flinched toward me, my eyes darted up toward him as he looked as though he wanted to comfort me. The moment was charged with silence, but it was so loud.

I cleared my throat and pushed pieces of hair behind my ears. "Leia made me run away, she said it was safer for us all" I explained, his body tensed at the thought of his mother. I felt a clump form in my throat as I wished I could be with Leia, that Ben could be with Leia. To be with my friends...but the first order ripped that from me. Ben could see the anger on my face, he leaned forward on his seat and cautiously moved closer to me.

"I didn't...I didn't order that attack" he said softly, I furrowed my brow and stared in to his eyes. I couldn't sense a lie from his lips, he was telling truth. But the again, he was stronger than me with the force, he could be fooling me.

"What do you mean?" I asked weakly, he swallowed once again and his paused as he was about explain. Light flashed across my eyes as lightning struck the ground outside my home. I flinched at the lightning and felt a wave of anxiety wash over me, lightning storms always made me nervous.

"Hux...he ordered the attack. He made the decision before I could stop him, by the time I knew...they were already over the base" he explained, he was obviously distressed by the distressing news. He shook his head and looked to the floor in disappointment, he almost looked like he blamed himself. I pressed my lips together and gazed at his full, black hair.

"That's why I could sense you there...but I couldn't see you?" I guessed quietly, he nodded his head but kept his eyes down in shame. I could sense the guilt within him, he didn't want to directly attack the resistance. I didn't want to talk about the attack, I would rather talk about anything except that horrid day.

I took a deep breath and stood up from my seat, Ben's eyes followed me as I moved my chair closer to Ben, I was tired of being separated by the fire. I sat about ten feet away, his eyes were confused yet content as I chose to close space between us. Ben took a deep breath and opened his lips to start speaking, I didn't sense nervousness or caution anymore.

That made me feel a lot better.