Lâcher Prise

un

Bea

5:32 PM

Coach O already called it a day. Today's training has been so intense that we were not able to have a little chat with anyone from ALE, at all. It's not that I'm complaining but I really miss them, especially our kulitan moments.

Hindi pa rin in-announce ni Jho na she's going to play for Ateneo for one last time, kami palang ang nakakaalam but I know na nakakahalata na rin ang fans.

2 years ago...

9:38 PM

It's exactly a month before mag-end ang season 80, I'm waiting for Jho here inside the car kasi naligo pa siya after ng training. Tomorrow's our do or die game versus FEU that's why late na kami natapos. We will grab our dinner pa bago umuwi, at ihahatid ko siya. After a few minutes, dumating na rin siya, and umalis na rin kami ng BEG. Nabanggit ni Jho kanina na nagcrave siya ng wings that's why hindi na ako nagtanong kung saan niya gusto magdinner, nagdrive nalang ako papuntang BWings.

"Sobrang tagal mo talaga maligo 'no?" I teased her.

"Ikaw kasi sobrang bilis. Charot."

"No, I'm just so considerate kapag may naghihintay sa akin kaya binibilisan ko. Lalo na kapag ikaw coz you're so mainipin. Anyways, seatbelt mo beh, please."

Hindi na siya nagsalita ulit. And it's been bothering me because this past few days, sobrang tahimik ni Jho, she's not being her usual self na maingay at mapang asar. It's been her routine na rin na kapag sasakay siya sa kotse ko, she's going to turn on the music at imamax niya 'yung volume and she will sing her heart out and dance. But today, wala, she's just there, all eyes on her phone.

"Beh, okay ka lang ba? Ang tahimik mo lately", I finally asked her.

She didn't respond right away. Nagbuntong hininga muna siya before she replied:

"Oo naman beh, I'm fine. Pagod lang."

Kilala ko si Jho, she's not good in telling lies. That's why I asked her again.

"Sigurado ka ba? Is this about you, leaving the team? Hindi naman totoo 'yun 'di ba? Ponggay was just joking kanina, right?"

"No, Bea. She's not joking", she said, not looking at me.

"What? Jho, ano 'to? Bakit sobrang biglaan naman? I thought we're still gonna be together next season? Jhobea for five, 'di ba? Kaya pala tinanong din ako ni Kat about it, ang sabi ko hindi mo kami iiwan. All this time, ako nalang ba ang hindi nakakaalam?"

"I'm really sorry beh, papahinga muna ako next season. At alam mo naman na siguro 'yung iba pang dahilan.."

"Are you sure, Jho? Wala na ba talagang makakapagpabago ng isip mo?" I asked her.

"Wala na Bei, I don't want to be unfair to Nico. I don't want him to suffer dahil magkasama pa rin tayo sa team. At matagal ko na rin naman sinasabi sa'yo na gusto ko na muna tumigil 'di ba? she responded.

"But what about me? And the team?"

"Beh, please, don't make this hard for me. Alam mo naman na walang magbabago sa atin. Ayoko lang na palaging mag-aaway kami ni Nico dahil may nakita nanaman siyang picture natin na super sweet sa SocMeds during our games."

"I thought you already told him that we're just friends? I thought okay na sa kanya? Damn, Jho, hindi niyo naman dapat pinag-aawayan 'yung tungkol sa atin in the first place coz we're just best friends!"

Hey Bea, sinong niloko mo sa "we're just best friends" keme mo diyan? I told myself.

"Oo, nag usap na kami, countless times. But we're still fighting over it until now. At ayoko nang magpatuloy 'yun beh, I hope you understand. Kinausap ko na rin ang team, pati si coach. And they're okay with it. Ikaw ang huli kong sinabihan kasi alam kong ganito ang magiging reaction mo. I'm sorry, I'm just trying to save kung anong meron kami ni Nico, I want us to work out."

When I heard Jho say those things, I can't help but wince, it was really painful to hear those words from her. Alam kong mangyayari 'yung ganito, matagal na rin kasing issue 'yung friendship namin sa kanila ni Nico and hindi ko naman siya masisisi if she wanted to do this for their relationship.

Hindi na rin ako sumagot sa mga sinabing 'yun ni Jho' siguro kasi alam kong wala na rin akong magagawa. Hindi ko rin naman gustong maging dahilan ng pag aaway nila. But deep inside, gusto ko siyang pigilan. I want to convince her to stay, kasi sa training at games nalang nga kami bumabawi. I don't get to hang out with her anymore kapag walang game or training. Pero I know wala nang makakapagpabago ng isip niya. So I just rested my case. Matagal ko na rin namang pinaghandaan 'to. I know that what's between us should be stopped, at least for me because I know #friendshipgoals lang talaga kami para sa kanya. I know that we will never be more than that,

And I need to accept it and save myself as well.