I Can Get It Back

Time Heals Wounds Is Absurd as a Theorem But I Can See the Sky's Getting Clearer

"Rose said you wanted to tell us something?" Finn's voice startled her and she turned around. He was looking at her almost nervously and she felt a twinge of relief. He would likely stick by her whatever she said. She glanced at Poe and the relief fluttered away at the sight of his grave expression. His parents had been part of the Rebellion and he had been part of this for his entire life. Still, he had immediately accepted Finn the moment he decided to defect, so perhaps it would work out.

"Why don't we all sit down," Rose suggested gently and she sank onto the seat next to Rey. It was probably meant to be a show of support but it made Rey feel trapped between her and the others as they settled on the other side of her.

"I haven't... I haven't been completely truthful with you. About quite a few things, actually."

"I'm sure you've been doing your best," Finn told her quickly.

Rose shot him a look. "Let her speak."

Poe folded his arms over his chest and Finn looked hurt, which were not encouraging signs. Was it too late to flee?

"I didn't kill Snoke," she forced out, figuring it was the most innocuous way to start a conversation she was realizing she did not want to have.

"You didn't?" Finn said incredulously.

"Is he still alive?" Poe wanted to know at the same time.

"No, he's dead. I saw it happen but I didn't do it. Kylo Ren killed him. To save me," she added quickly to preempt more comments that would only make this harder. "To save me from Snoke, who meant to kill me," she clarified.

"Why?" Finn asked, visibly upset at the idea. Poe seemed to take this information more in stride, to Rey's surprise.

The bluntness of the question threw her off. She was prepared to discuss simple cause and effect and the facts of what happened. Explaining Ben's actions, or her own, were going to be much more difficult. "I... I went there to bring him back. To the Light Side," she began.

"Why would you try to save Kylo Ren?" Poe's question was harshly rhetorical.

Rey glanced at Rose, who looked at her encouragingly. "Luke Skywalker did it with Darth Vader. I thought I could do the same, maybe."

Finn leaned forward to catch her attention. "It was courageous of you to try, but Vader was Luke's father. You can't blame yourself for not being able to reach someone like Kylo Ren."

The implication made her bristle. "I did reach him. He killed his master for me. I just... I just didn't think through the consequences very well. He wasn't ready to leave with me."

"With you?" Poe echoed skeptically.

"Yes, I thought... Since Luke Skywalker refused to come out of his exile, getting Ben on our side would be what we needed to win."

"Ben? Who's Ben?"

The anger in Finn's voice brought a swift return of her own. "Ben is Ben Solo, Han and Leia's son, who turned to the Dark Side because of his family failed to protect him and Luke Skywalker tried to kill him!"

At least they were silent in the face of her rage, eyes wide and mouths agape.

"He didn't want to be on the Dark Side, he only wanted to stay with the First Order because he wanted some control over his own life. And I... I was thinking of him as our tool instead of theirs. It was wrong of me not to let him make his own choice. Which he did, to save me from the Emperor! He gave his life to save me," she added, aware of the tears coursing down her cheeks and wondering vaguely when those had started.