I Can Get It Back

Set a Heading Toward the Sun Cuz I Believe That I Can Get It Back

Rey was up before dawn, having only slept a few hours. On Jakku, she would have forced herself to conserve her strength and get more rest before she started her day. But after over a year of regular meals and none of the back-breaking labor of being a scavenger, this was no longer a pressing concern. If she grew hungry, she would be able to eat her fill and, if she grew tired, she could take a break in the afternoon to sleep.

As she dressed, she considered if she had grown softer now that her life had. Perhaps, but more likely she had grown more circumspect. The face of the Resistance couldn't just throw down with people committing injustice – Poe had made that clear. Negotiations could be aggressive, but diplomatic means had to at least be attempted. She didn't like that, but was pretty sure her combat skills had not diminished during this year of living in luxury. And her abilities in the Force had grown through her studies with Master Leia.

Her last words to Master Leia had been harsh, so perhaps her circumspection only went so far. They were not untrue, but clearly Leia was not ready to hear them. The thought made Rey angry – the woman had left the mortal realm permanently, there wasn't any more time to get ready for hearing harsh truths. Rey did not regret what she had said on Ben's behalf, even if it meant Master Leia would not appear to her again. The woman had been an excellent teacher but there had never been the warmth Rey truly desired from the relationship. Leia had been raised to sacrifice her own personhood in order to properly lead her people as Princess of Alderaan, and held the same expectation for everyone around her. Personal desires could not factor into decisions that were for the greater good.

Rey had accepted this worldview at the time, lacking any other options. Luke may have been a gentler master, but he had admitted to believing his own legend to the point of making a horrible mistake. So Rey suspected that patience had not been a part of his teaching style, either. Both had been more concerned with legacy and their role in the galaxy than with their pupils' needs. If she was going to train children, she would have to try to avoid their mistakes. Jakku had taught her two lessons – how to fix broken things, and how to wait. Both had helped her in dealing with people and particularly with children. Perhaps focusing on these skills would help her succeed where her masters had failed.

No one was in the breakfast area, which was fine by her. She ate quickly, impatient to get started, and was finishing just as the first few early risers were arriving. With a quick nod, she greeted them before heading back to her room to grab the Jedi texts. The room where she had been studying late into the night was still empty – no surprise there – so she set up her books much the same as before. Taking a deep, calming breath, she got started. Today would be the day, the day she found some lead on where Ben was or how to get him back. She was determined and persistent, so it would come to pass.

At some point, Rose came in and asked her some questions. Rey must have given sufficient answers because then Rose left, though she couldn't say what all that had been about. Sometime afterward, Rose returned with Finn and they started in on the books she directed them to. The day passed quickly, with the sun moving across the sky far faster than Rey was able to get through the texts. It was frustrating and she began to feel a sense of panic whenever she noticed the time. But she suppressed it, reminding herself as she always had on Jakku about being careful and precise in her work, no matter how long it took. The panic passed. Someone put food near her and she ate automatically whenever this happened.

"Rey!"

She jumped, realizing belatedly that Rose had been saying her name several times. "Yes?" It took an effort to tear her eyes away from the tome in front of her to look at her friend.

"I think I found something," Rose explained, moving back to let Rey see the text.

Getting to her feet, she hurried over to inspect the find. A fringe sect of the Jedi spoke of the Netherworld of Unbeing as a place in the Force that was between life and afterlife. It was said to be of great interest to the Sith, so would not be further discussed in these texts. Rey grabbed the nearest object – a plate – and threw it viciously across the room in frustration. Her friends stared at her in surprise and distress.

"I'm fine. Thank you, Rose, I think that is exactly what we need to find out more about. I just hoped it would say more here," she amended, going to pick up the plate and the leftover food that had been on it.

"We'll keep looking, Rey. We're only halfway through the books," Finn reassured her.

She nodded and got back to work but struggled to concentrate on her chosen text. If the Sith were so interested in this netherwold, perhaps the Jedi texts were the wrong place to look for answers. But did the Sith have texts? It seemed more like a Jedi tradition, keeping careful record of everything. Even if the Sith kept any accounts that would be useful to her, how could she find them? Were there Sith temples like there were Jedi ones, hiding relics and antiquities?

She frowned, considering. There was the matter of the Sith Wayfinder that Ben had found somewhere. It seemed to lead only to Exegol and she didn't know if there were other Sith worlds or where they might be. Still, it seemed like a good place to start her search if the Jedi texts proved unhelpful. Whether Ben would be in the Netherworld or not, she didn't know, but it was the first lead she had found. And perhaps she could communicate with him through it even if he was elsewhere. If she found nothing today, she would go to Exegol and see what she could find there, she resolved, and reapplied herself to her search.

Nightfall came before they were finished, but Rey refused to go to bed again with the task undone. Finn and Rose were taking shifts to help, usually only one there at a time while the other went to presumably do some of their real work – Rey didn't ask. But, as the darkness grew more complete, both were there to coax her to bed.

"I need to finish this tonight!" she insisted.

"It can wait until morning," Rose soothed her, patting her shoulder.

Shaking her head, Rey stepped back. "No, I need to know if there are any answers here. Because otherwise I will have to leave tomorrow to find them."

Finn and Rose exchanged a glance. "Where will you go?" Finn asked.

"Exegol, to start. Then I'm not sure," she admitted. "But this is something that perhaps only the Sith know about, so I will have to seek out what they studied."

"That sounds dangerous," Rose said quietly before Finn could protest. "We will come with you, of course."

Rey gave them a tight smile. "I don't know if that would be helpful."

"Rey, we're not going to let you run across the galaxy in search of evil texts all by yourself," Finn told her firmly, exasperated. Rey frowned at him and he looked at Rose for support.

"It would be safer, and likely more productive, if we came with you," Rose offered.

"I'll think about it." She paused, looking down at the books thoughtfully. "Ben was searching for a way to Exegol. Perhaps somewhere he traveled would have the information I need. Or something he found. Can I search through the archives on his ship?"

"I think Maz was in charge of cataloging that."

Rey nodded, the panic she had been feeling diminishing. Maz had had the lightsaber in her castle – who knew what else she would have access to or knowledge about? She felt silly for not having asked the woman earlier. "Can you have Maz come see me first thing tomorrow? I can finish up here," she added, aware of how exhausted her friends looked.

"Don't stay up too late," Rose told her.

Finn patted her shoulder. "We'll find something," he said reassuringly. "See you tomorrow."

Rey continued on for a few more hours, though she felt her conversation with Maz and her potential trip to Exegol would be more helpful than these old texts. Still, she was thorough in her perusal of them before retiring to her bed, carefully packing them away. She felt some resentment that they were unable to help her get Ben back, but reminded herself of all the other information they contained. It wouldn't do to treat them badly just because they were letting her down in this one situation.

Tomorrow, she would find something, she told herself as she wrapped her blanket around herself. Before she slept again, she would have something, she promised herself. Even if it meant flying across the galaxy right after her meeting with Maz. There was a way to get Ben back and she was going to do it.