I Can Get It Back

It Took My Spirit But I Got It Back, Case Closed

"Me? Why would I live there?" Rey asked, considerably taken aback. It wasn't exactly the kind of place she was used to.

"I'll show you," Ben offered with a smile, the Force buzzing with his excitement at the prospect.

Still perplexed but now amused by his demeanor, she let him lead her across the lawn, her spirits lifting at the sight of all the greenery. It would be quite pleasant to live here – she could easily grant him that, even if she didn't know what had prompted this idea. As they got closer, she was floored to realize that the house was the most opulent place she had ever seen – even more so than Lando's chancellor quarters. In fact, there was so much to take in that she balked in the doorway, suddenly afraid at the idea of going inside. It was too beautiful to be hers, and she knew she would love it as soon as she saw more.

"Let me show you," Ben implored, a gentler offer than when they had been outside.

"Ben," she protested, not knowing how to put her thoughts into words.

He squeezed her hand and leaned down to kiss her brow tenderly. "At least come see the kitchen." She nodded slowly and gave in, biting her lip. But Ben started to talk in a reassuring tone about the different rooms as he showed her around, about their uses and history, about how they might be appropriated for her purposes. It was easy to let him sweep her through the rest of the house after she was suitably impressed by the kitchen. The whole place was impressive, of course. Without him there to explain it, she would never have realized this was supposed to be a home, nor how many kinds of rooms people would put into their homes. It was overwhelming, to say the least.

As they continued the tour, she was touched by his attentiveness – he thought this place could be her home and her school to teach the Force to children. Though she had always longed for the former and had been dreaming of the latter, the physical reality of it was almost too much to bear. This couldn't be real. She had only told him of her idea days before and he'd left immediately – he must have known about this place. This palace that was standing empty, waiting for a purpose.

And, from the way he was talking, she was becoming increasingly sure why he knew so much about it – this was where he had been born. In retrospect, she remembered that Chandrila was one of the Core planets, known for its seas and proximity to the capital. This was where Master Leia had settled with Han to start her family, where Ben had spent his childhood. And now he wanted to give it to her, to help lonely children. Like him.

"Rey?" Ben stopped whatever he had been saying abruptly, searching her face with a worried expression.

She realized there were tears on her face and she took a deep breath. "Ben, I can't," she whispered.

"I see," he replied slowly, his expression closed and even his emotions difficult to feel.

He clearly didn't understand what she meant, not really, and then he was releasing her hand. She tightened her grip and looked up at him beseechingly. "Ben! This is yours. You can't just – you can't give me everything and expect me to just keep taking. I can't take your childhood home from you for my school," she insisted, aware of the anguish in her voice.

His lips pressed together as he regarded her in silence.

She fought down her growing desperation and tried to think of how to explain it to him so he would realize what she meant. He had told her he loved her! And then had immediately come here, presumably to get the house ready. What had she said to prompt his decision? They had been talking about their future plans and – oh! – she had told him that they did not need to stay and rebuild the New Republic, that he needed to make his own choices about his life. She flushed, uncertain why his choice would be to give his home to her. It reminded her of his offer in Snoke's throne room, to give her the galaxy if she would stay. Of his later offers.