Unexpected

Part 3: Take Me There

Coming back with two cups of expresso, she hands one to Max, who sits and watches Luna sleep. She's still wiped out from earlier that morning and Max has yet to leave her side. Helen rubs his back as she stands beside him.

"She's so peaceful. It's like nothing happened." Max says quietly, his mind racing against the slow beat of his heart.

"The best thing for her right now is sleep." Her eyes gaze over the sleeping baby and her heart twinges. She was scared too today. She loves Luna with all her heart and in that moment of her convulsions, Helen couldn't help but inwardly panic. On the outside, she looked calm and collected, but on the inside, everything was tensed and tight with the twisting of her gut and her heart in her throat as she stood there with the small baby jerking around against her small frame. Now her muscles are sore and her chest still heavy from fright, but like always, she stays strong, for Max. His eyes glance up at her and he wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her close to him as he sits. Laying his head in the curve of her side, he feels safe and at peace as well. He doesn't know what he would do without her. For one, he wouldn't be here twice over. Once when Georgia called her from the lake when his throat closed up and two from allowing Castro to have half of her department to finish his treatment. Plus there's a handful of other times. The code silver, where she bravely lead him and the two prisoners to the barricade in the lobby. The blizzard where she pretty much carried him back inside. When Stauton was pumping him full of chemo and he could barely make it up the ramp without her. Max wouldn't exist, if it wasn't for Helen. He wouldn't want to either. "Are you doing okay?"

"Thanks to you...I couldn't do any of this without you." He places his cup on the bedside table and takes hers as well. He turns her hips so her body is facing his and he wraps his arms around her waist and lays his head on her flat stomach. "You are the best and I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. I never told you thank you for all the times you saved me."

She plays in his hair and tugs on the bottom of it so he looks up at her.

"You don't have to thank me, Max." She smiles down at him and lets go of his hair. "I have you, always."

Turning his face inward, he kisses just underneath her breasts and it sends a lustful twinge through her stomach. It feels so natural holding him here, speaking sweetly to each other and sharing little kisses without care if people see. She never knew a relationship could feel so easy and right. Even with Mohammad, she had to work a bit harder to feel comfortable with him and some of their conversations were half sided. It doesn't mean she never truly loved him, it just means loving Max is different. Loving Max is as easy as breathing. She doesn't have to think about it or try. It just is what it is. She wonders if it's the same for him or if he has to try a little extra to feel free with himself. She wouldn't blame him if that was the case. She imagines it's hard after losing your spouse only almost a year ago and trying to pick up the pieces of your heart and trust someone else with them. Hoping and praying they put every piece back together the right way.

He listens to her heart beat in her chest and feels her lungs expand against his face. He knows he's safe. He knows he's loved. Though it hasn't been a long time, he feels like they've been like this for ages. Max has always felt a deep connection with Helen and though he had internalized it and had made it out to just be about her career and treating him- he has always made it appoint to silently tell her without actually saying the words and betraying his vows. Was it wrong of him to love another woman almost more than his own wife? Most likely. He thinks of it three ways. He could have never gotten back together with Georgia and went after Helen and played father on the side. He could have stayed with Georgia and had an affair with Helen- not that she would because he was married. Or the third option, love her in a different kind of way and pray no one ever found out that he secretly loved her. He chose the latter of course. It still guilts him even now that Georgia is passed, but he wants to move passed it. He wants to be able to hold her like this and not feel like he's being judged by peering eyes. Would it make a difference if he divorced Georgia and then got with his colleague? Or is it a bit more acceptable that she passed, he grieved for months and is only now seeking comfort and solace in a friend and colleague? Do they even care? He doesn't know nor does he care too at this point. He doesn't want Helen thinking he feels guilty loving her. He doesn't feel guilty loving her at all. He feels guilty because he loved her when his wife was alive and pregnant with their child. He feels guilty about sort of telling Helen he loved her (as a doctor) when his wife was alive. And he feels guilty for holding his wife after he woke up from not breathing and felt more comforted seeing Helen standing in the doorway of his room instead of his pregnant wife who was holding him close while she slept. He feels guilty about wanting Helen when Georgia was alive and healthy. It was her death that he truly regrets though. He wishes she was still here- maybe they could have worked things out and Helen would have just been a passing fling, however he knows that probably wouldn't have been the case. He still would have wanted her. He still would have dreamt about her at night and thought about her in the day- seeking her out like a moth to a bright light. There's no way around it. The pull between them had always been so strong and he just now gave into it.