Unexpected

Part 6: Guests

She wasn't too sure she liked the idea of people staying at her home, but she is determined to make it work. Anything is better than staying at the hospital. Iggy also prescribed her Welbutrin XL to help with her depression and anxiety. She wasn't to thrilled to have to take medicine, but she agreed willingly. Walking into her living room, Helen finds toys scattered on her floor and Luna happily wiggling from side to side as she chews on rubber duck. She smiles at Helen and coos. Slowly walking over to her, Helen sits down on the floor next to her and watches the child intently. The whole atmosphere of her home has shifted from clean, organized, and pristine to more of a warm, homey kind of feel.

"Hi, Munchkin..." She quietly says and Luna comes crawling over and hands her the slobbery duck. "Thank you."

This was Iggy's idea of treating Helen? Make her babysit while Max is at work and then he stays in her home? It's all a bit much. Yet she understands their reasoning. She wouldn't do anything to herself if Luna is with her and if Max comes home then there's no privacy. So in a way she gets it and appreciates their thought, but at the same time, she wanted her own space not roommates- even if she loves Max, this is a bit excessive.

"Luna, do you think I'm doing a good job?" She asks as if the child can answer her effectively.

"Hahuh!" Luna laughs and flaps her arms around. Smiling, Helen feels a bit happier with Luna. At least until her chemo and trials get more progressive. It is killing her that she can't weigh in on the treatment plan, but at the same time she is mentally and emotionally stuck in her own terrible loop of nothingness. She truly can't think straight about day to day loving, let alone complex cancer in an infant. It would be not only a struggle, but potentially dangerous. She won't make a careless mistake because she's "not right in the head" as she and everyone claims. So, here she must stay, hoping and praying the medicine and therapy start working and that Luna and her get alone well.

"Hey, little one? Do you think I'm crazy? Do think that I've completely gone bonkers? Hmm?" She asks and Luna crawls up onto her lap and then pulls herself up using Helen's collar. "Are you going to examine me? Gonna be a doctor like your Dad? I bet one day you do the greatest of things."

As she's talking to Luna, she doesn't realize that Max has come in from work and is now leaning against the wall, quietly watching and listening to Helen talk to his daughter.

"Hahauhu." Luna garbles and bounces a bit on Helen's legs. Helen holds the infant by her waste and just falls deeper in love with her.

"You're easy to talk to, you know? I can tell you anything and not feel judged or crazy...it's not that I want to do a bad thing. I don't want to feel this way, but I just do. I look at the world around me and O feel disconnected from it all. Like, I'm invisible and watching others live their lives." Max frowns and continues to listen. "The only thing that's keeping me here and stopping all the raging thoughts and pain, is you and your Dad."

Max's heart breaks. If he wasn't around, she wouldn't be either.

"Before he came to the Dam, I was ready. I was ready to just give into my thoughts...but for some reason, when I met your Dad, he made me feel worthy of living. I wanted to treat him, because if he made me feel better- he needs to be around to make others feel better." The baby leans forward and kisses Helen on her lips sloppily. Smiling, Helen pecks the baby's forehead and hugs her. "I love you and your Dad. I want to be around to see how amazingly beautiful you're going to be. I want to see all the great things your Dad can accomplish. I just want to feel better and start loving myself for once. I don't think I've ever truly did that...love myself. I don't see what your Dad and everyone else sees.  What do you see when you look at me?"

"Hyahaba!" Luna hugs Helen around her neck and plays with her hair that's down. Helen just closes her eyes and holds the baby close to her chest.

"Thanks for talking with me, sweetheart. I love you very much." Max clears his throat and startles Helen. Looking ay him, her face is paling and she feels like she's exposed. Walking into the living room, he comes over and sits next to her on the floor. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and kisses her temple and then the baby's head.
"I didn't hear you come in."