Unexpected

Part 5: Price of Admission

Looking out the small window of what is now her "prison cell", Helen feels even more numb than when this whole depression started. She has no more tears to shed and no more feeling in her body. She just stands there and stares out the window- waiting for something to end. Outside the door, Max and Iggy watch her momentarily. She has refused to talk to Iggy yet. They know she's mad, but it's not truly at him, but herself.

"I got her some comfy clothes based on the guidelines and have divided her patients amongst other oncologists." Max says dryly. He is still processing everything. How did it turn this fast? What if he never talked to her about her feelings? What if they carried on living life as a couple and one day he comes home to her just, gone from this Earth? When Iggy gave that interpretation it was put into reality for him that Helen could very well take her own life and he would have to hold up his end of the deal in throwing a party for her instead of a funeral. He couldn't celebrate though. He wouldn't know how. He couldn't adhere to here wishes. Max would break and find himself in her position now.

"I should have seen this coming for a while now. After her fiance, a couple of patients, the distancing- radical behaviour, risky behavior...I'm a psychologist! I'm supposed to be able to identify when people are in crisis." Iggy is now beating himself up and Max shakes his head.

"She's fooled everyone. She's a great actor...I just don't want to know what else she pretended to feel." He sits on a bench and Iggy does as well.

"Max, don't. You can't do this. You can't sit here and second guess everything. Some people with Chronic depression can successfully hide their true feelings in public. It doesn't mean they don't actually care for the people around them. Their judgement is skewed and..."

"And what if that judgement made her think she felt something for me when she didn't? What if, I was just a minor excuse to try and feel something instead of numbness?" He droops his head and Iggy rationalizes.

"Max, I wasn't going to say anything- cause it isn't any of my busy- but seeing the way she held you in Triage and the kisses and everything, that is real. Her love for you is real, it's just right now, her depression overshadows everything. She's so private outside of work, who know if she's self harmed or..." Iggy says and Max stops him.

"She hasn't."

"Just because it's not visible on her arms like most people do, doesn't mean she didn't do ot on another part of her body." Max looks at Iggy and confesses.

"She didn't because I've seen her body...all of it." Iggy looks at him confused and then understands. "We were together last night and this morning. We were together when you called."

"Alright, so that is ruled out. That is something we can talk about at a later time because I am interested in hearing how that came about. The next thing I have to do, is get her to get her to start talking to me. Getting all of her feelings and thoughts and why she has them out on the table so we can diagnose and analyze how I'm going to treat her. If it's serious enough, I may have to put her on something that she'll have to take for the rest of her life. If it isn't as bad as she makes it out to be, I think therapy and coping skills and medicine when she wants it is another option. However I won't know the right route to take until she stops being stubborn and lets me in." Nodding his head, Max agrees with Iggy in his plan. He's hoping Helen can find some kind of silver lining and get back to feeling like herself...who ever that may be. Is the Helen he first met and loves now- truly her? Or is it all just a facade?

"I just want her back...I finally got her and I'm losing her already."

"But we haven't lost her yet. She's here, she's going to get help. The price of admission is simply asking for help. The take away is hopefully the truth and finding a solution." Feelings are tough for everyone- even a psychologist. Iggy can't always interpret feelings of others into words. Not all of his methods help and not all of his patients succeed in finding their life again. He prays he can help Helen, but she's a tough one. Denial is the hardest thing to overcome for everyone. He has a feeling she isn't going to accepting anything too soon. "How are you holding up? Between Luna and Helen, there's a lot going on. A lot of heavy stuff."