The Bet || l.h.

- 32 -

Luke's POV:

"Luke?" Calum's voice calls softly as he knocks on the door, sticking his head in. "I brought dinner."

"I'm not hungry," I mumble, not even bothering to turn to look at him.

"You need to eat something," he says gently. "You want something to drink? A shower? Clean clothes?"

When I don't respond, he sighs. "You haven't left this room since the night that-"

"Don't," I warn softly.

I don't need any more reminders of my greatest mistake. Living everyday without her is enough.

"Look, I get that you really cared for her, but this is just pathetic." Calum scowls as he gestures to all the plates full of untouched food. "You have to move on."

"Maybe I don't want to!" I shout.

I turn my head away at the pity in Calum's eyes, hiding the tear that falls down my cheek.

"My life was finally perfect," I whisper into the darkness. "How can I move on knowing that I'm the one that messed it up? That it's my own damn fault she can't even look at me?"

"Luke-"

"I don't want to pretend everything's ok, Calum," I say with more force, turning to look at him now. "I don't want to act like nothing happened. I don't want to look at any other girls. I just want her back."

Calum looks torn. 

"You know I just want you to be happy," he says softly. "And this? This isn't happy."

I drop his gaze, letting my hair fall in front of my eyes. I don't even have the energy to care that it's not styled with my usual care. What does it matter if my hair looks good? 

The door creaks open again as someone new enters.

Calum relaxes as Michael steps into the room. "Tell me something good," he says, almost a plead.

Michael shakes his head. His eyes are red like he's been crying, but I can't remember the last time Michael cried.

"I tried," he rasps, his voice raw. "I really tried."

He opens his mouth to say something else but breaks down sobbing, ducking his head away from us, angrily wiping at the tears.

"Mike..." Calum says gently, reaching a hand out to try and comfort him.

Michael shakes his head, recoiling from his touch.

I hate the way Calum turns to me, his gaze torn and accusatory. He knows that this is all my fault.

I didn't only screw things up with Emmy, but I ruined whatever was going on between Michael and Natalie and Calum and Lindsay. 

Because the only thing I'm good at is fucking things up.

It's my fault that Calum spends all his time worried about me, hovering to make sure that I'm ok.

It's my fault that Michael is slowly falling apart, holding back tears every time he thinks of Natalie.

It's my fault that Ashton is tearing himself up with guilt, wishing he'd never let us make that stupid bet.

This is why I never let anyone get close to me. The only thing I can offer them is pain.

I slide off the bed, not even caring that my clothes were the ones from the party three days ago, shoving on my shoes as I start toward the door.

"Where are you going?" Calum asks, concern bleeding into his voice.

"Away," I say, not giving him a chance to respond before storming out the door.

Away from my friends that are so racked with guilt and fear that I haven't seen them smile in days.

Away from the parents that are always worried about me, so convinced that I'm such a screw up that I'll never really be whole ever again.

Away from the memories that haunt me every time I close my eyes.

Away from all of my mistakes that glare at me, reminding that this is all my doing.

If I had been honest, if I hadn't fucked up things so royally, Emmy would be with me right now. Instead she won't even return my calls, won't even read my texts.

I deserve it.

I deserve all of it.

I deserve worse.

My feet take me along a familiar path, my body knowing what I need more than my mind.

"Back so soon?" Larissa asks, an eyebrow raised.

"Just get me something strong," I say darkly, slapping down a twenty.

Her eyes greedily drink in the money, scooping it up before I can take it back. 

"Coming right up."

My head snaps up when she sets down a glass of vodka. My hand immediately shoots out to grab the drink, draining in in one gulp.

I slam it down on the counter. "Did I say to stop?" I growl as Larissa hesitates before pouring another.

She refills it and sighs. "Fine."

Larissa watches me drain two more glasses before she shakes her head. 

"I'm cutting you off, Luke," she says, using my actual name for the first time. "You're young, good-looking, smart. Why are you so hell bent on throwing it all away?"

"I have no more life to throw away," I tell her bitterly. "Not anymore."

I push back from the counter, not bothering to apologize when I spin right into a tall, tattooed guy.

"Watch where you're going, boy," he spits, slamming his shoulder into me.

I clench my jaw as I hit the wall, pain shooting up my arm as I catch myself on the stone, feeling the bruise already forming.

I storm past him, sliding into my car. I need to go. Somewhere far away where I can't hurt anyone I love, somewhere far enough to escape the darkness following me wherever I go. There's nothing here for me anymore. Without Emmy, what's the use? Everything means nothing if I can't have her.

My car sputters as I turn the key in the ignition, struggling to turn on. I toss my keys into the passenger side, slamming the door behind me in frustration as I pull up a cushion in the backseat. 

The leftovers of all my drugs I used to abuse in sophomore year stare up at me, full of accusation.

All the months of rehab, the nights spent suffering the withdrawal symptoms to please my friends and family, a year being clean, convincing myself that I was ok...

All down the drain.

And yet, I can't find it in me to care. Who's going to be upset if I come home absolutely wasted?

There's no one left to care.

Least of all me.

A/N:

Sorry it took me awhile on this one, I have so much work to do that it's not even funny

But how's your week going? :)

Comment what you think about the story so far/predictions!!! <33

- A