Apocalypse

21

Kate

I grit my teeth in my irritation. Trying hard to keep my frustration under wraps. I'm obviously not doing as well as I thought I was, because Liz keeps looking at me worriedly from where she's sitting on the other side of the small fire we'd built.
It's dark outside right now. Yesterday we moved away from where the pack of infected had ambushed us. We decided that we didn't want to be in the open like that anymore.
I haven't really spoken to Jason since then either. I don't trust him anymore. I mean, I barely did before. But especially now. I don't think I can rely on him like I can anyone else. I think he knows it, because he's stopped acting friendly. In fact, he's acting secretive now. He's snuck off a fair amount and while I don't see what harm he can be doing, I don't trust it.

As for my irritation... Well. That's the usual. He's sat himself down right next to Liz. Before I got a chance to because I was busy giving Aztec some attention. So now I sat away from them. Trying hard to focus on cooking the squirrel I'd managed to snatch. It wasn't working though.

He's leaning towards her, and she's listening to a story he's telling. I don't care anymore what it's about. It's something about when he was in school. Something about basketball. I lost interest when I saw him begin to act strangely. Smiling too much and taking on a different tone of voice. I'm not sure why he's doing it. But he is. And I can see that Liz is uncomfortable. But I can also see her smiling every now and then.

It shouldn't bother me as much as it does.

I sigh heavily and get up when I'm done cooking. I haven't eaten today but I don't have an appetite anymore. In fact, I feel a little sick.

Liz looks over at me worriedly from her spot on the rock with Jason, who just keeps talking even though I know she's not really paying attention.

He's an idiot.

I kind of want to be alone. I don't want to be near them. So I get up after telling them that the meal is done and I'm going outside.
Liz tries to follow me but I make her sit back down again to eat. I stare at her as she reluctantly sits back down again. But I don't see her touch her food.
I shake my head and turn to go back outside. I should probably mention that we'd found a small cave the other day. We've decided that we don't want to stay out in the open anymore. The main reason was the elements. The weather is starting to get really harsh and while it hadn't been a giant deal for me, Liz and Jason could barely be outside after the sun had gone down without shivering so bad they had to sit. Not that I minded about Jason, but I minded about Liz. The second reason though was that we didn't want to be ambushed by infected again. Close calls. They terrified me not because I come close to death, but because Liz does. She's, after all, more vulnerable to infection than I am.

She scares me. Just how much I care scares me. All it would take is a tiny bite and it would be over for her.

I shake my head to rid it of thoughts of her and wander away from our temporary little cave-like dwelling. It had snowed quite a bit now. It covered everything like a soft blanket. Softening the world in a way that calmed my anxiety and discomfort. The sky is clean and I can see millions of stars spattering the sky like tiny little snowflakes that catch the light. I swear that I can even see some of them twinkling. The moon too, though it's only half full tonight, lights everything up. The light is like liquid silver, reflecting off of all the snow in a beautiful way. I don't need any other light. It's like walking during the day almost. I can see everything.

I love being outside. I love not being in that cell. I hated white before I'd seen snow for the first time. The pale empty colour of my cell had been a boring view for most of my life. I thought then that white is just an empty meaningless colour. Empty and cold and cruel. A colour I used to -and kind of still do, it's complicated- associate with The Facility.
Now though, after seeing the beauty of snow, my mind has been changed. I love how it's not just an empty white. No, the snow seems to hold every colour imaginable, and yet still only be white at the same time. It reflects the light and sparkles, and even though the rest of the world is really dead and ugly, it makes everything seem beautiful.