Saving The Undead - Book 2

Chapter 5 - Hit The Road Jack

Fearless - Kat Leon

My mom was standing on the porch, holding onto my arm and staring at me with pleading eyes. They begged me to fess up, to come clean. To tell the truth.

Yet the words remained stuck, swirling in my head but not voiced out loud.

"Tell me what happened. We used to be able to talk to each other and now you barely tell me anything? Syd, I'm your mom, I only want to help you."

I brushed past her and walked into the house with mom close on my heels. "Don't walk away from me!"

Mom slammed the door shut and I turned around to face her. It felt like I was carrying the world on my shoulders. There was so much I wanted to say but the words wouldn't come.

I wanted to tell her how much it hurts. How much the guilt crippled me. How everytime I looked in the mirrior, all I saw was a monster. I wanted to scream all of it until my lungs bled but I couldn't.

"Mom, do you honestly think I could hurt someone?" I asked.

Mom frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. "Syd, I don't what to think anymore. You're connected to a man wanted for murder, your friend is missing, and you're still not telling the truth.

"Because I can't!" I shouted back. "If I tell the truth, people will get hurt. People, I care about."

"You are not alone in this, Honey. I'm here just talk to me."

I gave a cynical laugh. "You have no idea how wrong you are." 

Mom threw her hands up. "Then what do you want from me, Syd? Do you want me to pretend that the police are not questioning you for murder? Do you want me to turn a blind eye to the sneaking out and the lying? Well, I'm sorry but I can't do that."

"I want you to trust me!" I let out a long breath while tears were beating behind my eyes. "I need you to trust me, Mom."

Mom pursed her lips together and shook her head. "I don't know if I can do that. I barely even recognize you anymore."

Her words sucked out the air in my lungs. If my own mother couldn't even trust me then, what did I have left?

I slowly nodded my head. "Then I don't think you can help me."

Perhaps I was just a monster and perhaps, it was time to start acting like one. The rage coiled around my body like an old friend. Hunger pulled deep within me. But, instead of being revolted by it, I embraced it.

After all, you could only keep a wild animal in a corner for so long, before it attacked you.

I turned away from my mom and walked up the stairs. With each step I took, the hatred inside me grew until I thought it would consume me. My whole life was thrown out of balance. I did things I would never be able to forgive myself for. I lost the only person who knew me and accepted me. Most of all, I was turned into a monster.

Forced to lie to the people I loved, to use my friends, and to do things that kept me up at night. I could feel the monster stiring inside. For so long it felt like a different entity but as my anger mixed with hers, we became one.

And there was only one thing we wanted. For once, it felt like I was in sync with that part of me.

Inside my room, I grabbed my backpack and chucked out all of my school books. I packed a few changes of clothes, a flashlight, and all the babysitting money I had saved up for college books.

I made sure to tuck in some soap, toothpaste, and a toothbrush. It didn't take long for my hatred to evaporate, leaving me with only sadness. I knew leaving was for the best but a part of me wished I didn't have to.