i wonder where we go when we die

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from mandjalorian on archiveofourown

Din turned his helmet to look sideways at you, the flowers beneath his head crunching softly as he stirred.

You lay a few feet from him in the grass, your arms outstretched, your face tilted up and basking in the warm rays of sunlight that fell from Naboo's bright sun.

"No one truly knows," he responded finally, his voice curious as to the change of subject. But he lay his head back down gently and you wondered if his eyes were closed now, whether he was relaxing in the peace of the moment. Or whether his eyes were open, contemplative, worried as he studied the sky.

"Yes," you said, shrugging.

You flexed your fingers until they found his, for once ungloved, impossibly warm in yours. He froze, then let you clasp your fingers between his tightly.

You sighed contentedly and closed your eyes now, letting the comforting heat of the sun and his hand in yours wash over you.

"But what if you could decide?" You asked and you felt the tense in his hand muscles. He'd probably been hoping you were done with the talk of death, something far too dark for a day and a planet and a setting like this. A sunny meadow crowded only with grass, flowers and you. Bordered by a deep blue lake, the only sound the lapping of the rhythmic waves on the shore and the breath of wind through the plants.

"Where you go after you die," you prompted when he didn't speak, squeezing his hand.

"I don't know," he admitted, quiet.

"I do," you responded decisively.

He began making small affectionate circles over the back of your hand with his thumb.

He didn't speak for a minute. Then- "Where?"

"Here." You said smiling, raising your joined hands a bit off the ground.

You heard him turn his head to look at you again.

"We could lay here forever," you breathed and you felt his grip tighten around yours. "Until our bodies joined the grass and the dirt and we became flowers too." Your words were rushed, impatient. "We could watch every fall and rise of the sun, listen to every wave of the lake, feel every gust of wind. Side by side. Forever." You ended in a hushed tone, almost a whisper.

He hadn't moved. He was still watching your face, animated, both happy and sad as you spoke.

"Is that-." His voice was choppy so he paused, collecting a breath. "Do you believe that's possible?"

You shrugged, your smile back full force. "I just...wouldn't mind laying by your side...forever." Your throat grew tight so you stopped talking. Din was once again rubbing warm circles over the back of your hand with the rough pad of his finger. His other hand found your face and he traced light lines along your skin, from your forehead to your chin.

"We're not dying." A promise. One he couldn't keep. Not forever. The cycle of life was crueler than the Empire in its impartiality. You peeked one eye open, your forehead wrinkling at the sudden brightness.

"I know," you whispered. "But if." You stopped. "That's what I would want."

He watched you carefully from beneath his helmet's visor then brought his right arm around to lift you up into his chest. He crushed you to him and you wrapped your arms just as tightly around him, pressing yourself to his warmth until the sensation of where you began and he ended faded.

You smiled into his neck. "We could grow like vines in the sun, one around the other. Just you and me." Your voice was muffled against his clothes but you knew he heard you.

He ran his fingers through your hair. "I hope...that's what happens." He said finally. Satisfied, you buried your head once more into the crook between his shoulder and neck.

He was right. You weren't dying today, both of you safe for now from the clutches of the Empire. In your bed of grass, in this meadow he'd found for you. And if he could choose, he would spend death at your side. That was enough.

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