A Few More Reasons

Chapter 6

A nylon rope shackles Fjord's neck, as his hands are grasping tightly onto it. His feet are flailing amidst the air and his body is swaying wildly, which leaves me petrified, mouth opened.

All I can think about is... mom. He's doing the same thing my mom did. Why Fjord? Are you going to leave me too?

There are things that we can and can't change, I know I can't change what my mom did, but I can definitely change Fjord! So I must save him!

Moving my foot forward, I scream, "FJORD!" I quickly run into him and upon hugging his torso, I lift him up so the shackle would loosen.

He coughs heavily, eyes closed in both pain and relief. "Get --- out. I wanna die!!!" He kicks my crotch, my lips move inwards, but I'm still holding tight of his torso, not letting him fall.

"No. I won't," I whisper.

"Just let me die!!! I don't wanna live anymore!!!" He continues kicking random body parts.

"If you die... how about me, will I be okay?"

"I don't care!!!" he shouts. "You don't matter to me."

"It's okay." Looking above, I stare at his watery eyes, and give him a smile. He fixes his gaze back, all silent, holding his blank face. I say, "Just stay alive, please?"

We hold our stares, his eyes start opening wide and his lips begin moving, then he opens his mouth, "You know what," he says, remaining calm. "Don't order people what should they do, it's annoying. I fcking hate you to the hell and back. You'll never understand people like me so we'll be happy if you just let us fcking die."

"But..." My knees shake. I don't expect it to come from his mouth, but I guess, they're all true. "I don't want you to die unhappy... and lost. I want you to find your purpose in life."

"Here you are again, ordering me how to live my life."

"But--"

"I FCKING HATE YOU," he screams. "IF SOMEONE DIES BECAUSE OF YOU, IT'S BECAUSE THEY HATE YOU FOR BEING YOU."

His words resonate around my head. Did my mother felt like that too? Was that true that I didn't understand her? Did she really wanted to die? My tears start to wet his shirt, as I'm slowly letting loose of my arms. I just don't want it to happen again... but maybe, they want it, to be happy. I hope my mom is happy now.

"JUST LET ME SLEEP!" He screams, and a sob follows. "I'm so tired of this sht."

Please end your pain Fjord, I hope mine will cease soon. I quickly untangle my arms and fall on my knees, with my hands covering my eyes, catching my tears as they rush their way out. I hear an impact from the rope, no doubt it's him, breaking his neck, I bet he's happy now. I want to scream but no voice comes out of my mouth. Why do people leave? Why do hopeless people have to die for them to be happy? Or are we really happy when we leave this world? I will never know the answers if I never understand them. I'm so lost in thought right now. I don't know where to start. I'm trying to fix him but I can't fix myself. I wanna help him but I'm also helpless. I can't blame life for this, but definitely, I wanna be okay again.

"Hey, stop crying," I hear Fjord's voice.

I glance up, peeking at the spaces between my fingers, and there he is, grasping on the rope.

"I thought..."

"Sshhh..." he releases his hand and jumps down. He puts his finger onto my lips. "I realized, you're right. I should find my purpose first, then I can die."

"But... I heard a crack---"

"It's my wrist," he lifts his right hand, and it's tilted, seems dislocated. "I panicked that you let go of me so I quickly grab the rope, but it twisted around my wrist so..."