The Boy (boyxboy)

Lost Chapter 》Ben

-
I could have died
when I heard the news
I hit the ground
and it shook the sky
-

Amy was gone, dropped off at her house. Our affair, if you could call it that, was short and much less than sweet - it didn't last long once I realized I couldn't get it up for her. Still, the sun had already set and I was pulled in my driveway - but I sat in my truck, staring at Jay's voicemail. I felt sick.

I'd been agonizing over whether or not to open it for at least twenty minutes now, but I wasn't sure if I had the strength to hear his voice again. I wanted so much to, but how could I after that... episode with Amy? So maybe Jay hurt me, but that was nothing in comparison to what I'd just done.

I had actually asked her out in front of Jay - and he knew it was just to piss him off. And Chase had already been giving him shit, on top of everything else he was dealing with. I was such a dick!

I ruined any chance I had of fixing things between us.

Could I even look him in the eyes after this? I could feel the guilt splitting through my chest - how could I ever make it up to him? All at once I felt shame, remorse, and hurt widening the cracks in my heart.

My hands only grew more unsteady as I stared at the screen. I felt paralyzed with guilt, I just couldn't hear his voice, I didn't deserve to.

I set the phone down, deciding I couldn't stomach it just yet. Maybe I could just call him back tomorrow.

Besides, he was probably just apologizing - it would be just like him to apologize. But I couldn't handle hearing it from him, not after I-

I took in a sharp breath and hopped out of the truck.

As I walked into the house and into my room, I tried to get the situation off my mind. I thought a shower might help, but it was no use, I couldn't stop the anxiety tightening my throat.

I returned to my room and got dressed, but I was still too nervous to sit down. As I paced the room with my phone in my hand, I decided I couldn't take it anymore, I had to listen to the message.

My finger hovered over the voicemail, my hands trembling more than ever.

My heart stopped when I heard his shaky voice, asking for help - he sounded hurt. A pit of dread split into my stomach.

For a moment I froze, paralyzed by fear.

Jay needed help. I had been fucking around this whole time, and he needed my help.

I felt a burst of adrenaline and I rushed to my truck, peeling out as fast as I could without a care for the speed limit. Anxiety was exploding in my heart, worst case scenarios running through my head at light-speed.

I knew Jay had been hurting himself, what if he-

My thoughts were cut off when I saw the swarm of police cars and the yellow tape surrounding his house.

I parked as close as the mess would allow me to and ran out of my truck to the scene.

Panic flushed through me as I searched for Jay, I had to make sure he was okay. He had to be okay. He had to.

I couldn't orient myself beyond the flashing lights and radio chatter, flitting around desperately to catch a glimpse of Jay.

There was an ambulance, but I couldn't find Jay anywhere. I ran to get a better view, bobbing frantically around the scene.

There was no Jay, but I caught a glimpse of a body bag, a surge of fear running through me.

That's not Jay. It couldn't be Jay. Please, it couldn't be him.