Sort of Dead

26 - It's Party Time (Humans Not Allowed)!

On the morning of my first Happy B'day, I saw this unfamiliar spirit hovering over my bed as I awoke. I nearly jumped out of my skin.

'Calm down, chum, where's the fuss?' the spirit racked. 'Kids these days . . . I remember back in the day, younglings battling knights, O, those were the times . . .'

'I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude,' I said. 'But who are you and what are you doing here?'

The masculine spirit was resplendent in immaterial armor, chainmail and knee-breeches. He cocked his head and, to both our surprises, his translucent eyeballs fell right out of their sockets. He fumbled with them for awhile, juggling and fiddling and trying to prevent their fall - until at last he managed to put them back where they belonged.

I stood there with a dropped jaw. Letting my hand check if my eyes were safe and secure.

'Blighted mother of Canter!' he shouted haughtily. Maybe the guy was trying to shout his voice-box out. (Is that possible? Hell, if he could lose his eyes, he surely would be capable of losing his larynx.) 'I shouldn't've travelled so far without purchasing a new pair . . . very irresponsible of me, very irresponsible indeed - '

'What - is - happening - here?!'

'Lord Canter bless thy soul, chum! Don't yell like a girl, I almost shed my ears!'

'Forget about ears, you just shed your bloody eyes!'

'Ah yes, that was long a-due, bound to happen. I've been wanton, as I said earlier. Don't you pay attention, chum? Kids these days . . . I remember back in the day, younglings - '

I stopped him before he could go on another rant. 'Just answer my question already and leave my room!'

'What was your question again, chum?'

I repeated my question, and the spirit told me that all of his kind were assembling nearby to celebrate the arrival of Witch Moon Day. They said the strength of the Moon was burliest in this region, and so spirits and ghosts and ghouls and whatnot from all over the globe - and some even from other realms - were cantering over here. Invisible to the naked human eye.

So the climate won't be the only thing responsible for cold this year, eh? (Spirits have very low temperatures and influence their environments likely so, have I not mentioned that before?)

Apparently, Witch Moon Day lent spirits additional powers or something, the same way mutants might derive powers from a radioactive blast or whatever (yes, I read a lot a lot of comic books, it's almost become unhealthy; Mum and I used to read together, miss her).

After this round of exposition, the ghost whose eyes were like pinballs and liked to fall from their sockets left, tipping his hat at me. 'Get that shrill voice of yours treated, chum! Adieus!'

I muttered 'And you get your eyes treated, old man' once I had made sure he was gone.

Anyhow, this little encounter should have been enough to warn me that Witch Moon Day was near and that there was a lot more to it than "equalization of pressure" or however those stupid, stupid scientists put it (I apologies if you or any of your loved ones are scientists, I don't hold grudges against all scientists, only the ones that couldn't predict when the Witch Moon would rise).

Still, me being a duffer and used to ghosts troubling me twenty-four-seven didn't pay an ounce of attention to all this. After I had taken a bath, the gathering of spirits and the eyeball-spirit's sense of awe and terror at the prospect of Witch/Ghost Moon Day was the last thing on my pea-sized brain.

Ah, the blatant ignorance of the mind. Zombies take them all.

Now, as I've already told you, I'd predicted the surprise my friends were planning for me. What I couldn't predict about Aar and Bee's surprise was that Uncle would also be a keen participant. His contribution lent a far more authentic air to it.

You see, all of these rats made sure my first birthday would be as bland and boring as was possible. In order to create a contrast and make my second one as grand as possible. So Uncle pretended to be just as busy as my two lovely friends (sarcasm intended) and it was only me and Dad on my first birthday.

We spent the day watching the telly. Not even movies or cartoons or something - we watched the news, because sometimes life coughs up more interesting things than any fiction could ever render. I'm talking about the Witch Moon, for the clarification of any audience in my reception who are - erm - not as smart as others (scientists are smart, so they shouldn't have a problem here).

All day long, I could see spirits whizzing by and by. Again, don't mistaken them for ghosts. Two very different entities. Nevermind. So some of them lashed onto the window, some hung from the candelabras. One particularly thick, spotty one stood in front of the TV, which didn't bother Dad, of course (him being a normal human like you guys), but it did bother me. A lot. Like, a lot lot.

I told Dad to do something to make it go away so I could at least watch the news in peace on my birthday - but poor Dad, what could he do, not even being able to see the spirit for himself? So he pleaded to thin air for the spotty spirit to shoo away. I let him continue with his requests long after the spirit had left, simply because the things he said to persuade the ghost were so amusing. He said things like "leave for now, Mr. Ghost, it's my son's birthday; you can come back when it's your deathday, I give you my word we'll celebrate it with as much, uh, spookiness as possible."

It was fun watching him do that. He was moving on from Mum's death now, which was a big relief. Yeah, at times I still found him looking at one of her photographs and tearing up, but that much is justifiable, isn't it?

I loved my Dad. Which is why what followed stings even more.

He - along with Aar, Bee, Uncle and Es, of course (might as well tuck See in there) - made sure my second birthday was a blast.

Initially, in the best possible way.

Climactically, the worst.

But obviously we couldn't stop what happened next from happening, could we?

I have been stalling for quite a while now. I am done stalling.

I am going to tell you. Once and for all.

Five deep breaths, Mar. Five deep breaths.

Here you go.