He weighed nervously over on one foot before he shifted over to the other one. He pulled one hand through his hair and in the other one he held this huge bouquet of flowers.
He had screwed up. He had screwed up so bad. He hadn't meant to hurt him, he really hadn't. He had just wanted to get the information out of Pax and one thing sort of lead to the other. That was the ways with Connor, but Oliver had to know that. They weren't even a couple at the time, but of course he knew where Oliver was coming from. Oliver had even said he wanted to do more things like couples do, and Connor had lead him on. With all right, it seemed. Connor hadn't been himself since that day. Ha barely slept and ate and his studies were not near a priority of his. They had to be or he would fail, he knew that, but whenever he tried to focus all he kept thinking about was Oliver's face. That's why he had asked for love advice instead of trying to get the information out of a person.
He had told her everything. He had been cheating and now his partner wouldn't talk to him. Flowers, she said. Flowers made every girl forget everything. Oliver wasn't a girl, but Connor was willing to take the chance. Now he was standing outside Oliver's door, probably looking the part of a nervous wreck. He finally gathered enough courage to ring the doorbell and just a couple of seconds later it opened. Connor's fist around the flowers tightened as he prepared to face the man and whatever comment he may have. However, it wasn't Oliver who opened the door. In the doorway stood a tall, muscular man. He was dark and extremely handsome and he wore nothing but a towel around his hips.
“Can I help you?”
“Uh... I must have.. taken the wrong door. Is Oliver Hampton here?” Connor's words seemed to make a light go up for the other man. He eyed the flowers and Connor's nearly desperate face.
“He's in the shower. You must be Connor.” Connor wasn't sure at all that the fact that this man knew his name was a good sign.
“I know you've been trying to call him and get in touch with him but if you really care about him you stay away.” Connor stared at him.
“What are you talking about?”
“Just... Stay away from him” the man said, moving back inside and closing the door after him, leaving Connor staring at the closed door while all those drunken calls he'd made desperately in the middle of the night coming back to him.
The man had been right with one thing. Connor cared. He really cared about him, genuinely.
Connor left the building, believing he left Oliver behind. Somehow it felt so typical. Connor had broken so many hearts throughout his years of sleeping around so it would only be right for him to have his own heart broken.
A couple of hours later he stumbled forward as the streets were dancing in the morning light. Drinking your sorrows away was overrated. How came it didn't work as good as it was supposed to? Especially those times it was needed a bit more. He had even found himself a pretty, blonde, young twink who were all over his case, but Connor didn't have eyes for anyone but for his Oliver and it totally blew that he wasn't his anymore.
His phone vibrated, probably for the tenth time that morning. Annalise, his teacher and boss in some ways, wondered where the hell he was. As if Connor would answer, he thought. He was just about to round a corner. There was a Starbucks nearby and if Connor didn't get some coffee in his system to take out the alcohol he would not be able to go to school again. In fact he probably wouldn't anyway, and the fact how little he cared scared him.
Just as he rounded the corner he walked straight into someone, almost falling over. He made a displeased face as he studied the person before him before he felt his heart drop in his chest.
“I'm sorry I came in your way.” His voice was cold, a lot colder than he had intended to and he made a move to walk straight past the man he'd run into.
“Connor? Wait, what?” Oliver turned around and grabbed his wrist to stop him. “I... You stopped calling...”
“What is it to you? You didn't pick up and clearly you have moved on.”
“What?” Oliver watched him with a confused face.
“Are you taking about Matt?”
“I don't care what his name is, Oliver!”
“He's a friend.”
“Yeah, so were you to me, right?” Connor asked ironically, the alcohol spurring him on to let all his emotions out.
“No, he's a friend. He's married. How would you even know about him?”
“Oh, I don't know. Maybe because he told me to sod the fuck off when I came by with flowers! White lilies!” Connor remembered that white lilies were Oliver's favorite and that was another thing that scared him.
“Are you drunk?” Oliver seemed to want to change the subject, but Connor wouldn't have it.
“I'm mad! I get it, I fucked up, but I've tried to reach you for months and you've moved on!”
“I haven't moved on. Come on, you're drunk. You should sleep it off.” Oliver sighed and after some persuasion Connor finally agreed to let Oliver walk him home, however they walked during a really awkward silence before they reached Connor's apartment. He unlocked the door and walked over to his bedroom straight away. He pulled his clothes off during the way, not saying goodbye to Oliver as he let his body fall to the bed and his eyes closed before he'd even hit the bed.
Five hours later Connor groaned some from the headache only a hangover would bring. He fought to sit up in the bed, having to gather a bit of strength to get up completely and just as he was about to the door to the bedroom opened and Oliver, along with the memories of earlier, came washing in over him.
He was handed a glass of water and two aspirins, which he swallowed at once.
“Why are you still here?”
“I think we... probably should talk”
“I'm not a fan of talking” Connor muttered and Oliver sighed before he had a seat. “Well, I think we should talk anyway”
Connor glanced at him before he nodded quietly in agreement, waiting for Oliver to start.
“When you... cheated on me it really hurt me. I know I have no right to feel that way. We weren't exclusive as you put it, but I... I really loved you. I was so in love with you and.... It really hurt that you didn't care about me the same way I cared about you.”
“I care.” Connor watched him. He had noticed how Oliver spoke in past-tense and he was not a fan of that at all. Maybe he had been in love with him and maybe he had loved him, but Connor still cared.
“Then why did you do it?” Oliver wanted to know, and with all right at that.
“I got scared.”
“Of what?” Oliver asked, still not seeming to get it.
“Of this. Of.... being vulnerable. Of being... I don't know. Of this” Connor sighed annoyed and Oliver nodded weakly.
“I get that” he said finally and Connor held his eyes on him.
“So, you brought me lilies?”
“Yeah, you told me you liked them when we watched Star Wars once. The space ship reminded you of them” Connor sighed, still not caring at all for remembering it, but Oliver seemed pretty taken aback by that.
“You actually remember that?”
“How could I forget someone thinking of flowers while watching Star Wars?” Connor asked. Oliver smiled weakly, but he didn't answer so Connor decided to continue.
“I miss you.”
“I miss you too” Oliver sighed. “I just... You really hurt me. I don't want to go there again”
“You won't” Connor guaranteed. “Look at me. I wouldn't be this hung over over anyone else” he stated, smiling weakly and Oliver smiled a bit broader at that.
“Do you want to do something today?” Connor asked suddenly and Oliver smiled again.
“Like what?”
“Star Wars?” Connor suggested.
“I thought you hated Star Wars?”
“But you don't. Let's watch Star Wars. Afterwards we could do something I enjoy”
“Like what?” Oliver asked again and Connor smiled.
“Take out food?” he suggested and Oliver nodded. “That sounds great” he stated, reaching out to take his hand, squeezing it.
“Are you still afraid?” he asked and Connor looked thoughtful, before he nodded. “Yes. But I'm more afraid of losing you than being with you”
