REFLECTION OF GUILT

Love for Pain

Chapter 1| Love for Pain

Sadness, sorrows and pain. We, as humans, are known for the exaggerated poetic representations of things, objects and even our own feelings.

Sadness, the pain in your heart that never stops when the loneliness swipes in to inhale the happy soul you have.

Feeling of emptiness, feeling of sorrow and eventually- those become the main factors of leaving you in endless pain.

Na Jaemin isn't a pessimistic person. He can be crying and weeping at nights but on the broad and brightful days, his smiles are the sweetest.

"Baby Ji! Where are you running to?"

He catches the small figure running along the halls with no slippers on. He quickly crouches down and the young boy runs into him happily.

"Nana! Nana! Zoo! Zoo!" Jaemin smiles widely and plants a soft kiss on the cherry cheeks of the boy.

"You want to go to the Zoo with Nana, Baby Ji?"

He nods passionately and points his finger to the door in front of them.

Jaemin's smile slowly fades away as soon as he figures out he needs to disappoint this little boy again.

"Nana..Jisungie wants DaDa with us too" his small voice breaks Jaemin's fragile heart. First of all, he is always weak and soft for Jisung and whenever the boy sounds so unsure and afraid like now, Jaemin feels like crying along with him.

"Nana promised me that DaDa can come with us the last time" he requests with a small pout as his little foot rubs against the other to show his doubtful expression.

Jaemin stealthily sighs, not wanting Jisung to know. This purest baby does not deserve to know any sinful things from him, from his dad, or anyone. Jaemin will not allow that to happen.

"So..Will Baby Ji wait for Nana in your room?" He looks up to Jaemin half-expectedly when Jaemin stands up.

"Dada is working in the room right? Nana will talk to him, okay?"

He pats on the boy's head and speaks gently to which Jisung nods and happily runs back to his room.

As soon as the overexcited boy leaves the corner of his eyes, the uplifted feeling dies out and the atmosphere gets quickly replaced by uncertain fears. Jaemin gulps and closes his eyes to calm himself down. Driving away the fears and burning pain from his chest, Jaemin takes a breathe and shakes his head to remind himself.

He nervously bites his lip and gently knocks on the door. Every single knock echoes so loud in his ears but in reality, they are rather so soft that no one can hear it. Relieving his nerves, Jaemin tries again while composing back his posture. He knocks again, with a bit of force this time.

"Yes."

The voice behind the door answers and Jaemin's heart beats loud again. He twists the knob and quietly gets in, making his presence known in bare minimum. Jaemin looks up to face the perfect man on his working chair and he looks annoyed, as always.

"Jeno ah" he whispers , making him looks up directly to him.

Due to the sudden attention, Jaemin flinches back a bit. The stare is just too cold and lifeless for him to endure.

"What do you want?"

"Jisunggie wants..to go to the zoo with you Jeno. He has been asking for this for two months" he explains, trying to bring some sympathy for young Jisung's dreams.

"So?"

He coldy asks.

"S-So...c-can you go with us today? "