Severing the red thread 1

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小洞不补,大洞吃苦。(Xiǎodòng bù bǔ, dàdòng chī kǔ.'small hole not mend; big hole eat hardship') - If small holes aren't fixed, then big holes will bring hardship

Love and hate are such strong words, they also cause so much pain. It's better to have loved and lost, than to have hated and won. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

This mortal proverb is seemingly true for what I feel towards the Emperor of Heaven and Earth and all the realms, Dong hua Di jun. It has been 3,000 years after that competition in Fanyin Valley. I left with a shattered heart and shattered expectations. I thought I made progress. I thought Dijun might have feelings for me atlast yet, he still chose Ji heng over and over again. Expectations were like fine pottery. The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack. Fourth uncle Bai Zhen and his friend the 2nd prince of the west sea, Su Mo Ye, found me and took me back to Qing qiu. I locked myself in the fox den for a month and refused to talk about what has happened. My father and grand father couldnt take what is happening and they blasted my door down. I saw my father, grand-father, grand-mother, mother, Zhe yan and my fourth uncle looking very worried at my countenance. After a month of locking myself, refused to talk and never cried. Seeing them made me broke my restraints and suddenly I cried and cried and cried. My family is flabbergasted. They dont know how to make me calm down. No matter how much they asked and force me to talk, I just cant. I asked A-li to take an oath not to tell who is causing me this kind of sadness and heartbreak and A-li agreed.

After that day, I pick up of what has left of me. And promised that the naïve and forgiving Bai Feng Jiu will no longer exist. I strived hard. I focused on my studies and being the matriarch and Queen of the east lands. I never accept visitors and Qing qiu is closed off to who are not our clansmen. I refused to attend any meetings in the nine heavens that doesnt warrant my presence. I closed of and refuse to be seen by the world for 3,000 years. In the 3,000 years of being secluded in Qing qiu, I ascended to High Immortal. Receiving that thunder bolts and over coming it is not easy and painful but on that said trial, I reminded myself that a broken heart is much more painful than receiving the thunder bolts. Su Mo ye became a very close friend of mine.He became the other immortal I look up to and hold on while I fix myself. I find him attractive and intelligent and he enjoys my company. He makes me smile and laugh over little things now but I still refused to call it love. He and Xie Gucho are the only immortal who can come in and out in Qing qiu at will. I also found another Saha fruit and gave Ye Qingti an immortal body. This made me happy. Slowly, I found my own happiness.

In the 3,000 years that has passed there was an incident that was made the immortal world abuzz. According to Zhe Yan and fourth uncle, Di jun was looking for his runaway lover. And he searched every corner and yet to find her. I steeled myself hearing this.

So, Ji Heng runaway again. I thought to myself. I smiled bitterly.

A-li also came to Qing qiu but not as much as before since uncle Ye hua and Aunt Bai Qian agreed to send A-li to Kunluun to learn under his other uncle the God of war Mo Yuan.

Migu also informed me that Siming and Cheng Yu wants to talk to me but I refused to see and hear from them. I want to sever ties whatever it is that connects me to Tai Chen palace and to Dong hua Dijun. I feel guilty but this time I have to consider my well-being for far too long I held to a love and immortal that clearly cannot be mine.

One day Xie Gucho came and informed me that since I gave Ye Qingti a body and half of my cultivation, I should be the one who will wash away his mortal essence in heaven.

"Are you ready to meet his highness again?" Xie Gucho asked me. I look at him in the eyes and smiled confidently.

"Yes. Its been 3,000 years already and somethings are needed to be left behind and move with a clean slate"

"Very well. Good luck then." Xie Gucho replied.

I smiled and this time that I will go to the heavens, I will not falter.

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