League of Legends BTS - LND2020 (Judging)

→JEON JUNGKOOK - Feedbacks

[Riven]

1. Forced - _arasthetic 

Judge #1

Title: [1/2]

Cover: [1/3]

Description: [3/4]

Hook: [3.5/5]

Unique: [2.5/5]

Flow: [4/5]

Delivery: [3.5/5]

Pacing: [4/5]

Sequence of Events: [5/5]

Writing Style: [8.5/10]

Reader EI: [7/10]

Characters EI: [8.5/10]

Character Dev: [9.5/10]

Logic: [10/10]

Grammar: [9.5/10]

Vocab: [9.5/10]

Overall: [6/10]

Satisfaction: [4/5]

Total: [100/124]

Review

Title→ It suits the book, but it's not eye candy. 

Cover→ It's good, but it neither relates to the book nor gives off the vibe of it. I mean that the cover feels cold while the book is warm, also the book is a sweet love story, but the cover feels like Jungkook was trying to get over a heartbreak. 

Description→ It shows what the book is about but lacks that spark to lure readers, maybe if you included a few catchy lines from the book, it would work well. 

Plot→ It wasn't unique at all even though you mentioned in the preface that (''it's just one of those arranged marriage fics" because it isn't.) I expected something out of the ordinary to happen, but till the last chapter nothing surprised me. Also, adding Jeon Junghyun doesn't increase the uniqueness of a book. (Don't give your readers high expectations.)

I've noticed that you like skipping onto the next event without saying what happened in between. Like Jk's birthday, their wedding, waking Jk next Monday...etc I think you got what I mean. It's better if you reduced the use of time skips because it disconnects the reader for a brief moment. The ending was so rushed, and that sudden drama too didn't make an impact, it only broke the flow. 

Writing style → The dialogues were good and also there were decent interactions between the characters, but there was a lack of description for mostly emotions. 

Gram/Vocab→ I bet English is your first language. It shows from your writing, but I'm gonna tell you, you love to mix up him/her/she & him xD I've pointed out one of those mistakes while reading, and I'm gonna tell you, you have a lot of them, so just go slowly through the chapters, and I'm sure you'll point them out.