Life Unscripted

If It Does Not Kill You, It Will Make You Stronger!

My frame of mind has always been to just take what comes my way pick myself up, brush myself off and keep moving forward. I believe I was built that way. I try to forgive the people who have wronged me and close the chapter. There are things however that happened in my life that are gut wrenching, life changing and it takes more than just a while to get over them.

A few years pass and we are just on our grind to work and pay bills. Doing every day normal life things. Family, work, church etc. We have moved two more times now but still in Washington state just to a cheaper city where we finally had a house. I was working at a very good company in Olympia, WA. I really thought I found the job I was going to retire at. I was now married for 4 years together for 6 years. We had our ups and downs but there just always seemed like there was something hidden. My husband was always withdrawn, he went to work church and came home went straight into the bedroom. He never really interacted with the kids. Well after a few years I started really praying and asking God if there was anything hidden from me by my husband to have it revealed to me. I was always very good with discernment around people and I could sense things so strongly, but it took me a while to pin point the truth. The Bible states in the book of John chapter 8 verse 32; "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free!" That is what actually happened.

I was driving home from work one day and I received a phone call from my daughter she's my youngest. She told me she needed to talk to me about something but that we needed to talk away from the house. I remember driving down the long Freeway home then stuck in traffic with my stomach turning and my heart beating so fast. At this time she's in Middle School about 13 years old and she was a part of a youth group that met at lunch time at her school and they were discussing a very deep topic and a friend of hers told her story. It immediately triggered memories that my daughter had suppressed for so long. When the teacher asked the group if this incident or something like this that the girl shared ever happened to any of the other girls my daughter raised her hand. Of course the teacher had to now take an incident report down and call it in to the authorities so they told my daughter to come home and tell me.

As Im listening to my daughter tell me what she remembered happening to her by my husband almost 6 years prior, my heart broke all over again and I wanted nothing more than to take my daughter away so I could handle him on my own. I immediately took my daughter to my Uncles home who happened to be my Pastor at the time to let him know what I just found out. We all talked about it then agreed to keep her there safe with him and his wife. He advised me not to do anything irrational so I took a long drive back to calm down and I finally went home. My head was in a confused hurt pissed off frame of mind. I walked into the house and God honest truth is if I wasn't in the presence of the other three kids that night, I think that I'd be in prison right now. God knew exactly how to keep everyone safe. My kids asked where their little sister was and I lied to them and said she was helping my uncle and aunt out with a project.
That night I stayed in the living room I couldn't sleep the whole night, there were so many thoughts that ran through my mind. I prayed, I cried, I was just not in a good space. The next day I called out of work for the rest of the week.

I remember my uncle calling me back the next day to ask how I was I told him to get this man out of my house or something was going to happen. In my mind if it came out my other kids could have done something as well. To keep the peace and wait for the authorities to handle this all I removed him from the house. I brought my daughter back and told her to keep this between the two of us until we hear back from the proper authorities on how to move forward with it all. The next week I went back to work but really found myself crying every few minutes through out the day. My job didn't know what exactly was happening. I was late one too many times and was written up at work it was just all bad. They say when it rains it pours! In the next few weeks I had to move out of my house. I was no longer able to afford it on my own. I had to split up my kids because I didn't have good credit to just move into a smaller apartment right away. My oldest daughter was 18 done with high school, she went to live with her best friend in a different city. My oldest son was 17 a senior in high school. He went to live with my other uncle. Then the two youngest and myself went to move in with me at my good friends house. I felt like my whole world crashed but most importantly I had to make sure my baby girl was going to be ok.

A few months passed by, I still had not heard anything from the school or the authorities they said would be contacting me. I called the school counselor and she told me that there wasn't any new information I had to wait on the call from the authorities. Meanwhile I'm still looking for a place for all four of my kids and myself to stay. I didn't want to ask anyone for help it's just not how I operated. I would figure things out on my own is what I did! After about a month I decided to resign from my job and move me and the four kids back to San Diego to live with my adopted mother and my other brother who was closer in age with me and his wife and baby. I withdrew my kids from their schools and we flew to California. In the days gearing up for the move I just felt so defeated in life! When I had moved in with my friends in the winter of that year we moved into their garage they had set up like an extra bedroom. There place was only two bedrooms and they had two kids so it was crowded. They were gracious enough to let us stay with them and brought in sofa beds and space heaters to make it comfortable for us.

Somehow I felt really alone in this. I was to the point of wanting to take my life and my kids too. One night in the cold garage as my two kids slept cuddled up with me on the sofa bed, I looked up at the garage door there was the metal tracks to where the garage could be opened up and the wheels went up onto the tracks. I thought of tying myself up there and hanging from there. I thought of other ways to take my life along with my kids and as I got up to get the rope , I saw this light shine through the window part of the garage door on the top and a clear loud voice I believe to be God say, "I am with you, I will take care of you and your kids." As soon as I heard the voice I went to sit on the bed and just wept like a baby. I looked at my babies and thought wow how could I be so selfish when I had kids to live for. I said to myself get up, brush yourself off, and keep moving forward. The next week, I sent my two boys to San Diego first to my brother then the following week my daughters and I left to meet them.

When I left Washington this time I never wanted to return back ever! I closed this chapter and thought to myself I was going to watch the rest of my kids graduate from high school and live life to the fullest and to help my daughter heal, I was sad though that I had to uproot the kids from their schools and friends. I didnt have any other choice. All I wanted was for my kids and I to be together and not seperated like we were.