Life Unscripted

The Healing Process Begins

We arrive in San Diego and I'm still trying to figure out what just took place in the last few months that turned all of our worlds upside down. I was quite pissed off for a long while. I was trying to sort out how I didn't have any intuitions or discernment about the man I brought into my kids lives. I couldn't even start working for a few months I was so distraught and watching my babygirl deal with all of this too along with the other three kids. I mean I took my son out of school the last three months of his senior year to a whole new state and high school. Then took my babygirl away from her close friends the ones she found comfort in. I took my oldest daughter out of community college right before her quarter ended. Not to mention my younger son out of his high school and away from his friends and church youth he really loved. I blamed myself for everything! There were times I'd go and sit on the beach and watch the ocean waves and just cry! I didn't know the first steps to help my kids especially my baby girl heal.

About a few months passed and the pain was still raw. It's now time to help my oldest son with his senior year stuff. I had no job or enough money to pay for him to get a suit for prom or let alone his cap and gown. I was however thankful I had my adopted mother and brother there for me. They paid for my son to be able to go to Grad night at Disney land and prom and graduation. I was so humbled at all they gave for my son.

It's now June 2014 and having the support of my cousins to help make candy leis and dollar leis for my sons graduation meant a lot to me. Leis are necklaces that we make when anyone graduates or special occasions and we adorn the special person with them to show them our love and support. I was amazed at the friends we had made in the two short months we were in San Diego. They all showed up and showed out. I was so proud of my son for pushing through to the last few months considering the circumstances. We watched him walk across the stage and get his high school diploma and I was in tears. We went home and celebrated as a family and that was good enough for me.

I was finally relieved that that was over! Now just starting to heal and get a job and have my second divorce filed was all I really wanted to have done. Thankfully for me my adopted brothers wife was a paralegal and she graciously filed everything for me in the courts. Once I went to sign the papers, and the divorce was filed I was so relieved a weight lifted off my shoulders. My daughter was on her way to healing and asked me if I could please reconsider relocating back to Washington so she could graduate with her close friends. By this time my oldest son had moved back to Washington already to live with his dad. He started his first job out there as an adult. My oldest  was now working her very first job and the two youngest going to school. I found a job that was about an hour commute each way. I thought finally, our lives can finally get to a normalcy.

Although that chapter was closed there was still a sadness I saw over my kids especially my baby girl. In my eyes I saw my two older kids transition into adulthood. I saw my second son try and consume himself in sports and working out. Then there was my youngest she tried her best to be happy and get normal life back. I knew that there had to be alot of healing to take place because unfortunately the cycle repeated it was not broken. What happened to me as a child happened to my baby girl. I began to just try and take my daughter out one on one to let her know I was there for her and so that she would know that I would always be there for her no matter what. All I ever wished in raising my children was that they knew their mother loved them unconditionally.  I wanted them to know that if everyone else in the world failed them, God and I would be there to pick them up and help them move forward. I never wanted to do to them what was done to me. Way too many times have I been rejected by my birth mother, my adoptive mother and father, my biological grandmother and the list goes on.

I never knew about things that can pass down from generations. I read in the Bible about generational curses and how the cycles of life continue if we dont break the cycle, by praying and breaking the strongholds that are from our past even get attached to us in our mothers wombs. I began to pray and ask the Lord to break the chains that held me captive and to please break the cycle so it does not continue on to my children as they entered into adulthood and into their own relationships or marriages.  I was becoming aware of the things that were toxic in my life and tried to cut them out of my life. I recognized that I had a calling on my life and that was to help others who experienced these sort of things in their lives to learn how to sever ties where need be. One tiny opening into your mind when it enters in it will get to your heart then to your soul. Bitterness will grow, resentment will destroy you quicker than you know. I heard my pastor say that in the book of Proverbs Chapter 23 verse 3 it says, above all else Guard your heart for everything you do flows from it. I totally believe that. I now had to pray to God to help heal my heart from the past, and to help my kids hearts to heal also.

I worked a few months more than my baby girl asked me again, if it all possible tbat we could move back to Washington so she could graduate with her friends. I told her I would think about it. I called one of my good friends to get some good Godly advice from her and she never ceases to amaze me. She always told me that I belonged in Washington and despite how many times I left because of a divorce that I would always be called back because that is where God wanted me. I prayed about it then a few days later another good friend of mine said to come and stay with her in her apartment, until I found a place. I made arrangements to leave San Diego and told my youngest daugter and she was elated. On June 5th of 2015 we then made our move back to Washington and there a new journey began. I was now legally separated and had just one child living with me. My younger son was in high school and wanted to stay back with his older sister to finish out high school and graduate. I told my adopted mother and brother of my plans and left the next week.