ʟɪꜰᴇ ꜱᴛᴜᴅɪᴇꜱ || ᴊ.ᴡʏ + ᴄ.ꜱ

Chapter 47

Fresh out of the shower at 4 am, I stood at my bathroom mirror in a white oversized tee that stuck to my body from being wet and dried my hair, unable to sleep from thinking too much. I had barely gotten my hair dried at all when I heard screams come from Soojin's room.

Throwing on my joggers, I threw open the bathroom door and ran through the kitchen and into her room.

Soojin stood on her bed with her bedsheet around her neck, the other end attached to her ceiling fan, crying like crazy. My mind was spinning and flashed back and forth between the picture in front of me and the several pictures of my past. Tears streamed down my own face and I whimpered out her name. 

Soojin screamed at me to get out and kicked a pillow at me before jumping off of her bed. As soon as her feet left the bed, the sheet slipped from its placement on the fan. 

I took two large steps and dove to catch my precious little girl falling towards the floor. She landed in my arms and I hit the floor, skidding to a stop when my head busted into her dresser.

"Soojiiin-ahhh--ahhh" I half yelled, half whined her name, crying, and sat up looking at her for answers. 

She screamed again and kicked at me to let go. I held her to me as I cried, leaning up against her dresser before she shoved me off and got up. Turning around to look at me, her eyes were full of hatred.

And she confirmed it, "I hate you," she said quietly and then again screaming it at me, making my ears burn and more tears drip onto my shirt along with the thousands of water droplets from my hair.

Behind her, at the door, stood Wooyoung looking stunned. 

I don't know how long he's been standing there but his eyes were also teary. Even if he didn't see much, he knows if I look like this something must be wrong. I don't cry often and I've never cried in front of him.

I focused my attention back on Soojin before she noticed him too. At this point, there's no telling how she'll react. "Soojin-ah just take a breath and let's talk about everything, anything you need to say, just tell me, baby." 

The words that came out of her next made me feel murderous.

"I know what you did, grandpa told me everything! You're sending me away just like mom so you can live the way you want to without me!"

I put the anger aside for my father and crawled over to Soojin, grabbing her shoulders. "Soojin-ah no, no you have to believe me! I could never live a life without you." I let go of her shoulders and held my head in my hands, leaning it against her, sobbing, needing her to believe me.

She hit my shoulders and back repeatedly with her fists. I couldn't tell anymore if her behavior was only from her illness alone. Never has she, ever, gotten this upset with me. 

When I tried to stop her hands from hitting me she pulled away and got a look behind her. Wooyoung sat against the door frame now just looking at me and Soojin helplessly, unable to intervene. 

 Soojin was furious when she saw him. She picked up a pillow and threw it at him before picking up anything else she could find, pelting him until I got her under control, grabbing her wrists and turning her to face me again. "You want me gone so you can be gay with Wooyoung!! I hate both of you!! Just go to hell!!" she screamed in my face at the top of her lungs.

I hit my fist on the ground, ignoring the pain of each blow to my knuckles with my head lowered, feeling defeated. There's absolutely nothing I can do to make this better.

Wooyoung came over and crouched down where I sat, checking my knuckles over before I yanked my hand away, not wanting to be near him with Soojin watching, especially in the condition she's in.

Soojin let herself fall to the floor and sobbed hard, body shaking violently. 

I did it, I'm the reason she's torn up inside. Scooting over to where she sat, I wrapped my legs around her and held her in my arms, both of us a mess of tears.

She suddenly stood up again, walking calmly to the kitchen, and I followed, carefully watching her, but she acted quickly. Grabbing the first thing she saw on the counter, which happened to be a pair of scissors, she held them up, ready to slice them into her neck.

"Soojin-ah, fuck, please don't do that.." my voice was just above a whisper as I pleaded with everything I had in me.

Soojin looked behind me, probably at Wooyoung. "Everything's about to change," her eyes flipped back to me. "You have him so you don't need me anymore." She squeezed her eyes closed pressing the blade of the scissors harder against her skin and I saw a trickle of blood roll down her neck.

"Soojin-ah! Soojin-ah..." I took a breath and wiped my tears away in an effort to regain composure. She opened her eyes that were full of more tears, similar to mine, focusing them on Wooyoung again.

"Can we just talk, please? We both care about you so much," he said to her desperately but his words weren't helping. "Everything will be okay Soojin," he tried again but she didn't make any move to put the scissors down, just looked at him like he was ruining her life.

Yes, everything will be okay. I made my decision.

"Wooyoung leave." I choked the words out and kept my attention on Soojin. "Everything is over, I don't want to see you anymore." A lone tear rolled down my cheek and I ignored it.

Soojin dropped the scissors and curled up into a ball on the floor. 

I wasted no time getting over to her and chucked the scissors across the room before picking her up and carrying her over to the couch. The cut on her neck had already dried up so I didn't worry about a band-aid. I just held my baby against me. She was so weak now from crying so much.

Wooyoung rubbed his hand along the back of my neck, massaging it a little bit, trying to comfort me but he couldn't do anything now.

"I said get out." My words came out quietly but I know he heard them because his hand dropped from my neck.

"San...hey, we can figure everything out. I'll help you--"

"I don't want your help, just stay away from me." My decisions affect Soojin too much so now I have to make a choice. I've been too selfish lately.

"Sa--"

"GET THE FUCK OUT WOOYOUNG! FORGET EVERYTHING AND MOVE ON!! IM DONE!" I yelled, covering Soojin's ears, wanting Wooyoung to leave quickly before I changed my mind. I buried my face in Soojin's shoulder and listened to her soft breathing, thankful for each breath that came out of her tiny body.

Sniffling sounds came from behind me....he was crying. Eventually, I heard my front door close and I let go of my bottom lip that I'd been biting to stop myself from crying and leaned my head back on the couch, letting out the cries I'd been holding in.

My Anpanman was gone.