One Word | H.S.

Chapter Four

Panic.

~

This can't be happening to me right now. This is some sick fucking joke, right?

My eyes remain in their widened state as my mouth is locked in a permanent "o" shape. The ringing in my ears grow as I begin to pick at my cuticles, my heart mimicking the sound of a trotting horse. The burn in my cheeks only seems to increase as my legs begin to numb, causing me to run my hands against my thighs praying to any deity that the feeling in them will return.

The sound of booming laughter and clinking glasses are drained out by my pounding pulse as my eyes begin to scan around the room.

The sweat forming on my forehead is most likely adding a shiny glow to my complexion as my shoulders begin to tense, restricting the movement in my hands. I notice the assault of my fingernails becoming harder as my fingers grow rigid, adding to the panic.

The burn of the vodka is no match to the burning sensation that has spread throughout my chest, leaving my head with an overwhelming feeling of static.

No...this cannot be happening. The rapture needs to happen quick because I want to fucki-

I cut my subconscious off as I snap my brain back into reality.

I was having a panic attack.

Why the hell is this happening? Alcohol usually removes any potential for my panic attacks given my entire amygdala is locked in a prison cell when I become intoxicated, or it did until now.

What did he say? Fuck, what did I see? Did I see something? I was so fine, I was okay, there has to be a reason this is happening.

That or I'm slowly losing all control of my mind.

-

"Okay, shit, okay. I just searched your symptoms and it says to remove the trigger. Pres, what was the trigger?" Mia anxiously questions as I remain hunched over on the ground trying to fight the war that was taking place in my own head.

Panic attacks just happen, sometimes without warning or reason but they seemed to be happening when I heard a single word lately or witnessed a single event. I can never pinpoint what those specific incidences were, making it harder to calm myself.

The last thing that occurred before this was the shutting off of my television, causing a blaring sound of white noise static to bellow from the speakers.

Then suddenly, hell broke loose.

"Just make it stop, please make it stop!" I plea to Mia as worry creeps over her features.

"I don't know what to do! Fuck, Auggie!" She yells for my brother as tears flood my cheeks.

My head is pounding and my heart is racing a million miles per minute and no matter how many times I mentally tell myself I'm okay, the panic only grows.

"Jesus, what? I'm trying to pla-" Auggie responds in an annoyed manner as he removes his headset, the annoyance in his tone turning to distress as his gaze lands on my manic state.

I would do anything to keep Auggie from seeing me like this. I can handle this alone. I truly can; I can't fuck my kid brother up even more. I don't want him worried. I want him happy. I'll deal with my pain alone if it results in him never witnessing this again.

"Presley! Holy shit, Mia, what's wrong with her? Is she okay? Presley, are you okay?" Auggie loudly questions as his lanky body shoots over to my crumbling one.