Reliving Yesterday ✔

Chapter 35.

It was only when my eyes met his that I realized how close we were. The air around us stopped moving and my heart started to race again. I gulped, staring into his eyes. He reached up to my face and slowly tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and rested his hand on my cheek. I was pretty sure he could hear my heart, too, at the rate it was beating.

"You know," he said, so softly that it was almost too soft to hear over the beating of my heart and the blood rushing in my head, "It's terrible for me to realize that every time I've kissed you, I've been drunk and now that I'm sober, I can't do it, because I'm painfully aware of the fact that you have a boyfriend."

There was a moment in that time, when time stood still. I was pretty sure even the hands on the face of the clock didn't move because of the surprise that came with the words out of Parker's mouth. The breath travelling into my lungs had stopped involuntarily and there wasn't a thought in my brain to continue breathing because it was occupied with repeating his words in his lilting tone to me over and over again. This moment, where Parker had, in his own way told me that he wanted me as more than his friend, was one I had been waiting for, for such a long time, and now that it was here, I had no idea what to do with myself. Parker's eyes were frozen on mine, no doubt trying to read them and fathom what I was feeling. I didn't know whether he was succeeding.

Some time had passed before I inhaled deeply. Parker was staring intensely at me, his hand still pressed against my cheek. He didn't seem to want to move his hand or his gaze and he most certainly didn't seem like he wanted to talk anymore until some words had escaped my mouth. The only thing that I could seem to choke out in a whisper was one word; one solitary word that made the world of difference in my life and maybe in his, too, the way he reacted; the one word that usually left me quite undone: "Parker."

He inhaled deeply, staring at me, like he had never expected me to say that and then pressed his forehead to mine. It was so agonizingly beautiful that I could feel a lump form in my throat. He had squeezed his eyes shut and his fingers were moving into my hair. He raised his other hand to the other side of my face and with his eyes still closed, he raised himself and slowly, softly, gently pressed his lips to my forehead and stilled them for the longest moment of my life and then he drew back, resting his forehead against mine again. He hadn't opened his eyes and I couldn't see the war that was probably going on in them. He, then, breathed out a word as well: "Alex."

That one word out of his mouth was enough to cause two tears to fall from my eyes. I breathed in deeply and pulled back. Parker opened his eyes to look at me; he looked pained enough even before he saw the tears streaming down my face. When he did, I was pretty sure he cracked somewhere inside. He buried his face in his hands and shook his head.

"What have I done?" he whispered in a muffled voice, "What have I done, Alex?"

The two tears were immediately succeeded by two more.

"What have I done to you?" he asked again, dropping your hands, "I hurt you so much and now, after I told myself I'd never hurt you again, that's exactly what I did. The one person in the world who has always been there for me and I completely ruin her. What have I done to you inside, Alex? You're a mess. I know you are. You've always been a beautiful mess, but now you're messed up on the inside because of me and there's no way I can undo any of that. And now that you're happy with Blake, I have to come and mess you up again; I just had to come and mess with your heart and your head. I know you, Alex, better than anyone else in the world. I can see everything your eyes try to hide and your smile tries to keep secret; I broke you so badly. What have I done?"

By now I had lost count of how many tears had fallen from my eyes. I was only looking at him; this boy; this wonderful, thoughtful, sweet, sincere boy, who had the world against him and was only ever worried about other people.