The boy who wished he hadn't lived

'Home.....'

Harry's pov
I was walking through the forbidden forest when all of a sudden everything went black. Then i heard a scream i ran over to see who it was and what i saw horrified me. It was Cedric laying on the floor...dead,then there was voldemort,he was laughing and so were all of the death-eaters. Soon the laughing turned into blood-curdling screams that made the hair on my back stand up,until once again the scean before me slowly turned to blackness until I was walking through a dark hallway,I could see nothing but black until suddenly I saw my mother and father standing infront of me with disgusted looks on their faces "You dissapointed me Harry,you let one of your friends die because you were to weak and useless to save him." said my father "You couldn't even protect us,that night 15 years ago you survived but we didn't we died you could have saved us!"(i know this line is stupid don't judge meh) said my mother "It should have been you!!" they both shouted at the same time then they dissapeared and were replaced by all of the weasleys except for ron "You're so stupid Harry! You don't even realize that we're only your friends so that we can use your money! You're worthless!!" they all said at once. That statement broke my heart even though i already knew it,it still hurt to hear them say it. They dissapeared and were replaced by ron,hermione,and sirius "You can't have actually thought that we were friends! I just used you to get some fame! You piece of shit!!" said ron "Yeah,i was just using you to get closer to ron! I never needed you!" stated hermione " "I wish i wasn't your god father. I was so releaved when I had to go into hiding so you couldn't live with me and i didn't have to see you!" yelled sirius. At this point i was full on sobbing on the floor begging them to stop until they all came back,my parents,the weasleys,ron,hermione,and sirius they all started to simultaneousley repeat the same thing over and over again "It should have been you,it should have been you,it should have been you." they all said and soon my scar started to burn,it felt like someone was stabbing me in my head i started to scream. I bolted upright in bed,my scar emediately stopped hurting and i was shaking and sweating like mad. I realized that it was all a dream but deep down i knew that everything they said in that dream was true. I calmed myself down and looked at my alarm clock,it was 5:30 so i decided to get up. I shakily got up and walked to the bathroom,the words spoken in my dream still ringing in my ears worthless,useless,murderer,stupid,i was only using you but most of all the words it should have been you hung in the air sucking all of the oxygen out of my lungs making me fall to the floor taking sharp breaths trying to be quiet because I knew what would happen if I woke up the Dursleys. Before I knew what I was doing I made my way over to the bathroom counter opened the drawer and pulled out my bloodied razor blade. Yes,me the boy who lived cuts himself. I started making faint marks in places where there weren't alredy cuts but soon they were deeper and i was cutting over old cuts makind my arm feel numb because of bloodloss. Both of my arms were now littered in deep and shallow cuts of all shapes and sizes. I knew that I didn't have much time left to get ready so I quickly rapped up my arms with bandages and got dressed and ready. I heard the lock on my bedroom door click and my aunt yell "FREAK!!GET DOWN HERE AND MAKE US BREKFAST!!" I hurridly went down stairs and almost emediatley felt a stinging pain on my face "Start making breakfast and don't you dare burn anything or you won't be getting any food!!" yelled my aunt "Yes aunt Petunia" i said, knowing that i wouldn't get fed whether i burnt it or not. Just as i was finishing up breakfast i heard loud footsteps coming down the stairs indicating that my uncle and cousin were up. I quickly set the table and waited in the corner for them to finish. They all looked satisfied with the meal but i knew that they would never praise me for it. Like i had suspected i didn't get anything to eat,when he was done with breakfast uncle Vernon came over to me just like everyday for as long as i can remember and dragged me to the basement into the 'fun room'. The fun room is only fun for him not for me. He chained me to the wall and got the whip. I've learned not to cry out or ask him to stop because the more i show that it hurts the more he makes it hurt. Aparantly uncle Vernon was in an especially bad mood that morning because he did something that he only does when he's REALLY angry. He got out a knife and took off my shirt he then started to carve words like Useless,Freak,Kill Yourself,Nothing,and Die into my back and chest. I have to admit that it hurt more than it usually did because he went deeper that he usually did but i didn't let my pain show. Soon he unchained me "CLEAN YOURSELF UP BOY AND WHEN YOUR DONE GO AND GET YOUR LIST OF CHORES FROM YOUR AUNT!!" bellowed uncle Vernon. I did as i was told and cleaned up my blood then poorly bandaged my self up. My list of chores was longer than usual and i was more tired than usual so i knew that i wouldn't be able to finish them all and that meant another day of no food,maybe even a week it depends on what i don't do. I finished almost all of my chores for the day,but i didn't get the chance to weed the flower garden or wash uncle Vernons car and for that i won't be getting any food for a week but it's ok i'm used to not eating for long periods of time and lately i haven't been eating anything even if i get the option to because it just doesn't feel like i deserve it,food shouldn't be wasted on someone as useless as me.(I'm sorry Harry!I love you!) There's still 2 weeks left until i go back to Hogwarts and i have to admit that i'm excited because i can get away from the Dursleys, but deep down i know that i deserve every bit of pain i get. I sent a letter to the Weasleys a few days ago asking if i could stay at the burrow for the rest of the summer,i still haven't gotten a letter back but after that dream last night i'm kind of hoping that i can't stay. That night i lay in bed not wanting to let the urge to sleep take over in case i had another dream. Just as i was about to go to the bathroom to cut Headwig flew through my open window and dropped a letter on my desk,it was from the Weasleys,it read
'Dear Harry,
We are really sorry that you can't stay with us but we all have a lot of stuff to do and it just isn't a very convinent time for you to come,we promise that we'll try our best to make time for you next year but this year just isn't a good time.
Magically yours,
The Weasleys' PS:Send me some chocolate frogs,Ron'
It kind of hurt that they couldn't make time for me but i wasn't really suprised,why would they make time for someone like me? I was releaved that i didn't have to go to the burrow because after that dream i know that it wouldn't be as much fun as it usually is. I woke up the next morning with a feeling of dread because today was my birthday and i knew that no one would remember. I guess it's time to start another day at 'home'.

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Ok so everyone loves to tell me how stupid the line with his parents blaming him was but it's too late to take it back so I would just like to say IT'S SURVIVORS GUILT!! HE KNOWS THAT HE WAS JUST A BABY AND COULDN'T HAVE DONE ANYTHING BUT THEY DIED AND HE DIDN'T AND HE FEELS GUILTY AND SLIGHTLY RESPONSIBLE EVEN THOUGH LOGICALLY HE KNOWS HE COULDN'T HAVE DONE ANYTHING!! SO PLS STOP BEING MEAN I WILL CRY!!