The boy who wished he hadn't lived

"Hogwarts"

Harry pov
It's been about 2 weeks since my encounter with draco. When my uncle got back he was drunk so the beating was extra bad. He beat me up then took me to the 'fun room' and carved more words into my back and chest. I was trying to sleep because i knew that i'd need a lot of energy for tomorrow because tommorrow i go back to Hogwarts for my 5th year and since uncle Vernon didn't bother to not aim for my face i'll have to use a glamour until i'm healed. The only thing i have to worry about besides that is Draco. If he tells everybody what he saw then they'll start to worry and then they'll ask me questions about why i was hurt even though i know they wouldn't actually be worried about me they just wouldn't want their 'precious golden boy' to get hurt. On the other hand if he doesn't tell anybody he still saw it so he's gonna ask me questions which probably won't end well. I already have all of my stuff packed for tomorrow. I put all of my razors in a black box and hid it in my robes so no one could find it. Lately i've been thinking about killing myself. Alot of people say that it isn't the solution to your problems but their wrong it is because your dead so no one can hurt you you don't have to live in this hell of a world anymore so it really is the solution to all of your problems. It's 1:00am right now so i decided it was time to sleep. I was walking down a long corridor again but this time it was different,i wasn't alone like last time,there were voices telling me to kill myself,saying that it was my fault Cedric died,and it was my fault that no one loved me,and how i deserve every bit of pain and suffering that i have. The worst part was that i couldn't even see the people saying it,it was just the voices until i saw Draco. He was standing infront of me "I will never love you,you disguisting excuse for a human being." he said in a tone of voice that made me shutter "what do you mean,i'm loved,i know i am,there has to be one person out there who actually loves me!Right?" i said "Wrong" hissed Draco. With those words i grew numb,not numb as in i couldn't feel pain but numb as in i didn't feel sad or happy or angry or disturbed i just felt nothing. It was releaving but at the same time i hated it it felt like i couldn't breath,it was like a dementor but a million times worse. I wanted to scream but no sound came out. I awoke once again from a nightmare that will most likely haunt me for the rest of my life. It was right then and there that i decided i was going to kill myself when i got to Hogwarts. Not as soon as i got there but i would do it at some point this year for sure. I was going to get ready when i heard something "That's right,no one loves you,killing yourself will do us all a favour." The voice hissed "Who are you?" i said "I'm you but...different" said the voice "Can i talk to you without talking out loud so people don't think i'm crazy?" i said "Yes" hissed the voice "Ok. so i just need to think and then you can hear me?" I thought to the voice "Yes" the voice said. I then realized what time it was so i quickly got ready and went down stairs. I made a piece of toast but just as i was about to eat it the voice said "You don't deserve to eat,food shouldn't be wasted on someone like you" "Yeah,you're right" I thought and went up stairs to cut.
1 cut for being worthless
2 cuts for being stupid
3 cuts for being useless
4 cuts for not being good enough
5 cuts for even exsisting
6
7
8
9
10
I kept cutting and listing things that are wrong with me untill i ended up with 25 cuts on each arm. I only had 30 minutes to be at the train station so i quickly got cleaned up,put a glamour on that made me not look so thin and covered up all of my cuts and bruises. I shrank my trunk and Hedwigs cage then put an invisebility charm over me and my firebolt so that muggles couldn't see me (for the sake of the story just pretend that they can use magic outside of school only on their way to the station) I got on my firebolt letting Hedwig fly beside me and made my way to the train station where i saw the Weasleys and hermione. As i made my way over to them i put on my best fake smile "Hey guys!" i yelled in a fake cheery voice "Harry!" hermione squeled as she engulfed me in a hug "Hey 'mione! I really missed you!" that wasn't a lie,i did miss her and ron and everyone. Just because they don't care about me doesn't mean i don't care about them. "Hey mate!" ron said while running over to me and hermione "hey!" i said while fake grinning "Did you bring the chocolate frogs?" asked ron "Yep!" i said while pulling them out of my pocket "thanks mate!" "No problem!" the truth is that it was a problem,it was very difficult to hide these from the Dursleys but i would never tell him that. Soon we were in a compartment on the train and ron amd hermione went to the prefects room to do prefecty stuff. (I just realized that i completely skipped the whole order of the phinex part,you know THE NAME OF THE FREAKING BOOK!! so yeah for the sake of the story just pretend that Harry learnsabout it later in the year. Sorry!) I was alone in the compartment but it was super loud because of that stupid voice that won't leave me alone "You know you could just kill youself now" hissed the voice "I know i could do it now but i don't want to,i want to do it at a later point in the year" i whispered back forgetting that the voice could read my mind "Why though?It's not like anyone will miss you,by posponing it you're just prolonging the pain" "I'm not stupid! I know it's just gonna hurt more but i don't wanna do it now. I still have to right the letters and i want to do it at the place i love the most which is Hogwarts not the train!" i was speaking normaly now forgetting that i was talking to someone that only i could hear. I had been so focused on the conversation that i hadn't noticed that someone else had walked in.
Draco's pov
I was walking down the aisle of the train trying to find a compartment. For the past 2 weeks all i've been thinking about is Harry and how broken and sad he looked that night. I'm still wondering how he got hurt and why he was crying and why he was spending his birthday alone but i knew the only way i would find out is if he told me so i'm currently looking for him. I slide open a compartment door and luckily i find him in there. He was alone and he didn't seem to have noticed that i was here. He was mumbling to himself and i heard something along the lines of "I know" and "don't want to" and "later in  the year" but then he said "I'm not stupid! I know it's gonna hurt more but i don't wanna do it now. I still have to right the letters and i want to do it at the place i love the most which is Hogwarts not the train!" I was shocked and confused by this since there was no one else in the compartment and i hadn't said anything. "cough cough" (i don't know what to put there) he emediately turned around and what i saw was weird. He didn't have any scars or bruises and he didn't look as skinny as before,but his eyes were still dull and he still looked sad and broken. "Malfoy" he said "Potter" i said back "What do you want?" said harry "All of the other compartments are full so i have to sit here." i retorted "And..." i said making him look at me as i sat down "I would also like to know why you were talking to yourself,what you were talking about,why you were super skinny and had cuts and bruises on your face only 2 weeks ago and now you look perfectly healthy,and how you got those cuts and bruises,and why you were so skinny" i said to him "That's none of your business,Malfoy" he hissed and tried to walk away but i grabbed his wrist making him wince "Why'd you wince when i grabbbed you?" i asked as the realization hit me "Roll up your sleeves" i said making him go pale "W-what?" he said in a scared voice "Roll up your sleeves" i repeated in a harsher tone "No! Why would i do that?!" he yelled in the same scared voice. I then pushed him against the wall and grabbed his wrist "Roll up your sleeves"I said again. At this point his face was scarlet red but he still looked scared "N-no" he said again so i pulled him into me and grabbed his waist with one had and his wrist with the other. I then rolled up his sleeves and what i saw horrified me. There were hundreds of cuts all the way down his arm,some deep some shallow some old some still bleeding. He was now whimpering so i let him go "W-why" i almost whispered,tears threatening to fall "B-because there's no point." he whispered "All of my friends are fake,my 'family' hates my guts and have abused me for years,no one loves me,Cedric died because i was too weak and useless to save him!" he said now yelling at me. "I-i'm so sorry" i say "I didn't know" he was sobbing now so i did the only thing that made sense in that situation,i hugged him.