i believe

•8•

(Morgan's POV)

I've been standing in the bathroom for about twenty minutes now. All I can do is stare at my bald self. I haven't stopped crying because this is so hard. I loved my hair. I didn't want to lose it all. It was hard enough loving myself with hair. Now I have to restart and love myself with no hair.

I fucking hate cancer.

Nobody is home right now because Maggie told everyone to give me some space and go do something else. I think they all went to the studio. I don't know where Nick is though. He left before everyone else, so he is probably getting food or something.

I go downstairs and I decide to make myself some lunch since I haven't ate anything all day. Which isn't good for me since I'm always super weak. I need to eat something. I go into the kitchen and I grab stuff to make a turkey sandwich.

I put everything on the bread and then I try to open the pickles. I can't get it though. Why can't I open the damn jar of pickles! I have always been able to open the damn things. I keep trying and the tears start to roll down my face. It's the chemo again. I'm too weak to open it because of my chemo.

I yell super loud and I slam the jar of pickles on the side of the counter. It shatters everywhere and I can feel the glass hit my body in different places. I scream and cry and I fall to the ground.

At this point I just want to give up.

I hear the front door open. Of course someone had to come back home at this time. Fuck. I start to clean up the glass, but I can't stop crying.

"Ma?"

I'm actually glad it's Nick. I need him. I turn around and I look at him. He walks over to me and he picks me up, not caring about any of the glass anywhere. He takes me to the living room and sets me down on the couch. He sets down with me and wraps me in the biggest hug ever.

I hold onto him like my life depends on it and I cry. All I can do is cry in his chest.

I'm so scared. Cancer is literally kicking my ass and I'm so scared that I'm going to die. It just keeps getting worse and worse and I can't do anything about it.

"N-nick, I'm I'm s-so s-scared."

He runs his hands up and down my back. "I know, ma, but don't be." He sighs. "Can I tell you something?"

I pull away from him and I wipe all my tears away. "Yes."

He holds onto both of my hands and looks me deep in the eyes. "Well first off you look absolutely beautiful."

I smile, "Really?"

"Of course you do," he says. "You will always be beautiful to me no matter what." I smile again and then he starts to talk, "So I know that you are scared. I am too, but we shouldn't be scared about anything."

"Why not?"

"Because we all have a plan. There is a plan for each and every one of us. Weather the plan is good or bad, there is a plan. We can't control what happens and we don't know what will happen in the future. The only thing we can do is live in the moment and hope everything works out and if it doesn't then oh well. It was all just part of the plan that was given for you. We are going to be okay and we are going to make it through everything. I know it's scary right now, but the only thing we can do is just believe. Believe that everything will be okay. I believe in you. I believe that you will fight this and be okay. I believe that we will make it through all of this together as one team."

I smile and I wipe my face again because his words make my cry. "I don't deserve you."

He wraps me in another hug and kisses my forehead, "No, I don't deserve you."