Clashing

Chapter 5: Distractions

Scarlett's POV:

I woke up cold. I reached out in the bed but instead of finding Ryker I found the edge of the bed. I opened my eyes and found yes, he was gone. It was stupid my heart felt so heavy that he wasn't here. He didn't owe me anything. We just slept together. I couldn't be upset he didn't stay with me.

Except he said he would. I asked him to and he said yes. Had he just waited until I fell asleep and left? God, another thing to be embarrassed about. And it wasn't as if I could avoid him. I'd asked Tammy about him and she said he and his friends came in every Friday through Sunday, occasionally dropping in during the week as well.

Apparently he was part of a biker gang. Though Tammy told me 'it's not that kind of gang', whatever the hell that means. They'd all served in the military at some point. Ryker had been a marine. That explained his insane body and stoic demeanor. 

I planned to stay away from him when he came in last night but I couldn't. He sat at the bar all night watching me and I grew increasingly horny under his stare. He made it pretty clear he wanted me before he even said the words and it was stupid to deny I wanted him. And being with him was perfection.

Except it all came crashing down when I freaked out. I had no idea what happened. It was like I wasn't in control. It wasn't even just that, it was like I was confused, in a different place with a different person. It was insane. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before. Thinking about it made me want to cry all over again but I'd cried enough.

I made myself get up and shower, tossing Ryker's shirt into the corner because damn him. I made myself get dressed and eat while watching the local channels I got on Dan's old TV. He really didn't upgrade with the times. I only recently got him to send a text and it wasn't likely to happen with anyone but me. He hated technology and was set in his ways.

I was horribly embarrassed about what happened with Ryker. The fact that I would most likely have to face him today after last night made me feel even more nervous.

I was pissed. But as the day wore on, I was more pissed with myself than with him. He really hadn't done anything I shouldn't expect. A guy that blatantly says 'I want to fuck you' is not the kind of guy that's going to spend the night after doing so. Still, I kind of thought he would since he handled everything so well last night. It was actually shocking how well he handled it. He somehow knew I needed to be covered up and needed to be held. He knew what to say. He didn't push it. He was very sweet about it.

I almost wish he hadn't been. Then I could be angry with him instead of me. Instead of being angry with him, I just wanted him all over again. Last night, before my stupid episode, was by far the best sex I'd ever had. He knew how to move, he knew how to touch and God, did he know how to use his tongue. If it weren't for me freaking out, we probably would've gone again. Maybe even all night.

But I ruined it. I ruined it and now he probably didn't want to deal with me again. He probably thought I was weak and pathetic and needy after that. I hated looking that way. I really didn't want him to see me that way. He was all tough guy, rarely smiles, never show emotion and I cried like a baby on his shoulder.

God, Scarlett, could you be more pathetic?

Not only that, now he knew something very personal about me. Something literally no one else knew except Todd. That fucking asshole. At least I wasn't crying anymore. At least I was angrier than anything else now. Anger was easier than being sad.

The thought that Ryker would now see me as a pathetic little girl made me feel even worse. I didn't want his pity. Now I was lucky if he would even touch me again. He was probably afraid to less I fall into tears while he's giving me an orgasm.