December 31, 2002

Chapter 9, Jordan: I love you

I hear yelling coming from downstairs. I get up from bed and walk over to the door where the yelling starts getting louder. What's happening? I open the door a crack to see what's going on, just for my head to fit through. It's dad and mom. I thought he wasn't coming back 'till the weekend. I'm not used to this. They never yell at each other. I take a closer look. I can see them in between the railings from where I am upstairs. They're downstairs in the front foyer. Mom is in tears. Whoa, what's happening? Is she okay? I try and listen in on their conversation.

"But why?! That's all I want to know," Mom yells.

"It was an ACCIDENT! What don't you understand about the word 'accident'?" He asks.

"An accident is supposed to be fixable. This? This isn't," she says, trying not to cry more.

"AN ACCIDENT DOESN'T HAPPEN MULTIPLE TIMES," she yells.

"Look, I'm sorry. I love you, can we just forget this happened?" He asks.

"If you loved me then you wouldn't have cheated."

Cheated.
Cheated.
He cheated.
Dad... cheated on mom.

Mom would have never done this. Why did he do it?

This cannot be happening right now. I shut my door and whirl back around and walk straight on my bed. I lay down on my back and stare at the ceiling. The lights start blurring. My eyes are filled with tears. No. I just don't understand why. I get up quickly and open the glass door in my room which leads to a small balcony. I grab one of my pillows and a blanket and I turn back and go to the balcony and climb over the railing onto another platform that leads to Autumn and I's treehouse from when we were younger. I walk on the platform and open the door to the treehouse. I go to the bench and put down my blanket and pillow. I sit down and wrap myself in the blanket.

He really cheated? It just hits me. This is real. This is real life. This actually happened and my parents are most likely going to get a divorce. I never knew that he was capable of doing something like that. I lean my head back on the wall and I start to cry with tears rushing down my face.

A few minutes go by and I'm starting to be a bit more calm. It's just hard to comprehend that it actually happened- this is something real.

I suddenly hear footsteps and just feel like someone else in the treehouse so I look up at the doorway and see Autumn. Oh God. She can't see me crying like this. I quickly try to wipe my tears with my sleeve.

"I-I was just about to leave," I tell her, getting up from the bench.

"No, it's alright. You can stay. Are you okay?" She asks, sitting down next to me.

"Yes, I'm fine," I respond, avoiding her gaze.

"Jordan, you're obviously not okay. Do you need to vent?" She says.

I sigh.

"My dad cheated on my mom," I tell her.

It's silent for a couple seconds.
I feel her stare from my side and I feel the urge to hug her, have her right by my side. But I don't. I can't. She already hates me.
"I can't say it's gonna be okay, because we both know, it's hard," she says, still staring at me, "I'm sorry. For everything. For ignoring you. You don't deserve that, J. I really am sorry."

"It's fine. I get why you ignored me. I mean I kind of did put you through much. There were times where you probably needed someone and because I wasn't around much, you probably couldn't talk to someone. I should be the one apologizing. Not you," I tell her, honestly, "So I'm sorry for what I put you through. I regret doing so much when I hung out with Jacob and his friends. So much went down and the fact that I left our friendship just to be friends with him isn't okay," I apologize.
Another moment of silence.
"Jordan," she says, her stare still there and it makes me want to lean in. No, Jordan, no.
"Yeah?"
"I'm gonna say stuff, but let me finish before you say anything," she says and in return, I nod.
"Jordan...You have no idea how much I missed you. It's crazy how just one time we bump into each other, my world flipped upside down. I miss you so much. Too much. You were so important to me, and now you are, even more. I just missed you is all. I wanted you with me, by my side, through thick and thin just like as kids. I wasn't mad. I just missed you and it hurt when you left me for them, Jordan."
My heart flutters as I face her and her beautiful hazel eyes.
"I really missed you too, Autumn. I'm sorry," I whisper.
A few more seconds of silence and I realize our noses are almost touching. I move in closer and she doesn't push me away. My hand stretches up and moves to her hair, tucking a fly-away behind her ear. Her hand reaches up to my hair. How is she so beautiful? I look her in the eyes, as if asking. We lean in closer, if even possible.